7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)\nThe Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National\nRedwood Forest. 7:30, Channel 8: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)\nThe Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the\nMann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
A "critic" is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified to judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased\n-- he hates all creative people equally.
A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.\n-- Rebecca West
A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.\n-- Whitney Balliett
A diva who specializes in risque arias is an off-coloratura soprano.
A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.\n-- Wilson Mizner
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
A hard-luck actor who appeared in one coloossal disaster after another finally got a break, a broken leg to be exact.  Someone pointed out that it's the first time the poor fellow's been in the same cast for more than a week.
A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
A musical reviewer admitted he always praised the first show of a new theatrical season.  "Who am I to stone the first cast?"
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.\n-- Don Marquis
A shy teenage boy finally worked up the nerve to give a gift to Madonna, a young puppy.  It hitched its waggin' to a star.
A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.\n-- Michael Winner, British film director
A true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art.\n-- Shaw
A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.\n-- William Faulkner
A yawn is a silent shout.\n-- G.K. Chesterton
Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
Acting is not very hard.  The most important things are to be able to laugh and cry.  If I have to cry, I think of my sex life.  And if I have to laugh, well, I think of my sex life.\n-- Glenda Jackson
Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
Actresses will happen in the best regulated families.\n-- Addison Mizner and Oliver Herford, "The Entirely New Cynic's Calendar", 1905
Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo.\n-- actress Mary Pickford, 1925
Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.\n-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock 'n' roll died out. It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life more advanced than the lichen family.\n-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
Alex Haley was adopted!
All art is but imitation of nature.\n-- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
An actor's a guy who if you ain't talkin' about him, ain't listening.\n-- Marlon Brando
An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
Any dramatic series the producers want us to take seriously as a representation of contemporary reality cannot be taken seriously as a representation of anything -- except a show to be ignored by anyone capable of sitting upright in a chair and chewing gum simultaneously.\n-- Richard Schickel
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
"Are you police officers?"\n"No, ma'am.  We're musicians."\n-- The Blues Brothers
Art is a jealous mistress.\n-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.\n-- Picasso
Art is anything you can get away with.\n-- Marshall McLuhan.
Art is either plagiarism or revolution.\n-- Paul Gauguin
Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.\n-- Chazal
Art is the tree of life.  Science is the tree of death.
As a goatherd learns his trade by goat, so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.\n-- Christopher Hampton
Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb.\n-- Stanley Kaufman
Authors are easy to get on with -- if you're fond of children.\n-- Michael Joseph, "Observer"
Bahdges?  We don't need no stinkin' bahdges!\n-- "The Treasure of Sierra Madre"
Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.\n-- Flaubert
Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry.
"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!" <huff, huff>
Ben, why didn't you tell me?\n-- Luke Skywalker
"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"\n-- Time Bandits
Burnt Sienna.  That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.\n-- Ken Weaver
But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.\n-- Leslie Stephen, "Sketches from Cambridge"
But you shall not escape my iambics.\n-- Gaius Valerius Catullus
Can't act.  Slightly bald.  Also dances.\n-- RKO executive, reacting to Fred Astaire's screen test. Cerf/Navasky, "The Experts Speak"
Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.\n-- Kin Hubbard, "Abe Martin's Sayings"
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Darth Vader!  Only you would be so bold!\n-- Princess Leia Organa
Did you know that the voice tapes easily identify the Russian pilot that shot down the Korean jet?  At one point he definitely states:\n"Natasha!  First we shoot jet, then we go after moose and squirrel."\n-- ihuxw!tommyo
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Don't everyone thank me at once!\n-- Han Solo
Dustin Farnum:	Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford:	Wonderful!  Wonderful!  Clever of you to think of it!\n-- Brian Herbert, "Classic Comebacks"
Dying is easy.  Comedy is difficult.\n-- Actor Edmond Gween, on his deathbed.
E.T. GO HOME!!!  (And take your Smurfs with you.)
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.\n-- Fred Allen
Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!\n-- Bullwinkle Moose
Elwood:  What kind of music do you get here ma'am? Barmaid: Why, we get both kinds of music, Country and Western.
Ever get the feeling that the world's on tape and one of the reels is missing?\n-- Rich Little
Everyone is in the best seat.\n-- John Cage
Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.\n-- Marlo Thomas
Fast ship?  You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?\n-- Han Solo
"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order"\n-- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
Fools rush in -- and get the best seats in the house.
For the next hour, WE will control all that you see and hear.
Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #3 MIRACLE ON 42ND STREET:\nSanta Claus, in the off season, follows his heart's desire and\ntries to make it big on Broadway.  Santa sings and dances his way\ninto your heart.
FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #9 THE PARKING PROBLEM IN PARIS:	Jean-Luc Godard, 1971, 7 hours 18 min.\nGodard's meditation on the topic has been described as\neverything from "timeless" to "endless."  (Remade by Gene\nWilder as NO PLACE TO PARK.)
FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL:		#37\nCan you name the seven seas?\nAntartic, Artic, North Atlantic, South Atlantic, Indian,\nNorth Pacific, South Pacific.\nCan you name the seven dwarfs from Snow White?\nDoc, Dopey, Sneezy, Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy and Bashful.
Fremen add life to spice!
FROM THE DESK OF\nDorothy Gale\nAuntie Em:\nHate you.\nHate Kansas.\nTaking the dog.\nDorothy
Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow.  But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!\n-- Adventures of Asterix
Go ahead... make my day.\n-- Dirty Harry
God help the troubadour who tries to be a star.  The more that you try to find success, the more that you will fail.\n-- Phil Ochs, on the Second System Effect
God is really only another artist.  He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat.  He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.\n-- Pablo Picasso
God save us from a bad neighbor and a beginner on the fiddle.
Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
Governor Tarkin.  I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash.  I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.\n-- Princess Leia Organa
GREAT MOMENTS IN AMERICAN HISTORY (#17)|On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence.
Grig (the navigator)|... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig:	I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex:	It'll be a slaughter! Grig:	That's the spirit!\n-- The Last Starfighter
H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L. Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.\n-- Maxwell Bodenheim
"Hawk, we're going to die."\n"Never say die... and certainly never say we."\n-- M*A*S*H
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.\n-- John Mason Brown, drama critic
He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.\n-- Jonathan Swift
"Hello," he lied.\n-- Don Carpenter, quoting a Hollywood agent
Hello.  Jim Rockford's machine, this is Larry Doheny's machine.  Will you please have your master call my master at his convenience?  Thank you. Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.\n-- "The Rockford Files"
Hi Jimbo.  Dennis.  Really appreciate the help on the income tax.  You wanna help on the audit now?\n-- "The Rockford Files"
Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.\n-- Rex Reed
Holy Dilemma!  Is this the end for the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder? Will the Joker and the Riddler have the last laugh?\nTune in again tomorrow:\nsame Bat-time, same Bat-channel!
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
I accept chaos.  I am not sure whether it accepts me.  I know some people are terrified of the bomb.  But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine.  Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most.\n-- Bob Dylan
I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.\n-- David Bowie
I am a deeply superficial person.\n-- Andy Warhol
I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.\n-- Salvador Dali
I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.\n-- Fred Allen
I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!\n-- Bart Simpson
I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.  The curtain was up.
I don't know anything about music.  In my line you don't have to.\n-- Elvis Presley
I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship.  I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.\n-- George Bernard Shaw
I had another dream the other day about music critics.  They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.\n-- Stravinsky
I have a very strange feeling about this...\n-- Luke Skywalker
"I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show, which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'."\n-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
I have had my television aerials removed.  It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.\n-- Malcolm Muggeridge
I knew her before she was a virgin.\n-- Oscar Levant, on Doris Day
I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.
I never made a mistake in my life.  I thought I did once, but I was wrong.\n-- Lucy Van Pelt
I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.\n-- G. B. Shaw
I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader.  But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.\n-- Stephen King
I remember Ulysses well...  Left one day for the post office to mail a letter, met a blonde named Circe on the streetcar, and didn't come back for 20 years.
I saw Lassie.  It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid never spoke. I mean, he could roll over and all that, but did that deserve a series?
I stick my neck out for nobody.\n-- Humphrey Bogart, "Casablanca"
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.\n-- Shirley Temple
I suggest a new strategy, Artoo: let the Wookie win.\n-- C3P0
"I suppose you expect me to talk."\n"No, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die."\n-- Goldfinger
I think we're in trouble.\n-- Han Solo
I think...  I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.\n-- Escher
I truly wish I could be a great surgeon or philosopher or author or anything constructive, but in all honesty I'd rather turn up my amplifier full blast and drown myself in the noise.\n-- Charles Schmid, the "Tucson Murderer"
I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.\n-- Elvis Costello
I watch television because you don't know what it will do if you leave it in the room alone.
