Smile!  You're on Candid Camera.
Snakes.  Why did it have to be snakes?\n-- Indiana Jones, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
Snoopy: No problem is so big that it can't be run away from.
Some men who fear that they are playing second fiddle aren't in the band at all.
Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.\n-- Avery
"Spare no expense to save money on this one."\n-- Samuel Goldwyn
Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who!  And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!\n-- Harlan Ellison
"Surely you can't be serious."\n"I am serious, and stop calling me Shirley."\n-- "Airplane"
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.\n-- Laurie Anderson
Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.\n-- John Mason Brown, drama critic
Television -- the longest amateur night in history.\n-- Robert Carson
Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it belongs.\n-- Alfred Hitchcock
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.\n-- Ann Landers
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.\n-- attributed to both Fred Allen and Ernie Kovacs
Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.\n-- Gore Vidal
Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.\n-- R. Geis
That's no moon...\n-- Obi-wan Kenobi
The Angels want to wear my red shoes.\n-- E. Costello
The best definition of a gentleman is a man who can play the accordion -- but doesn't.\n-- Tom Crichton
The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.\n-- Bill Maher
The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals.  Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the science of metaphysics.\n-- H. L. Mencken
The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense\n-- Picasso
The covers of this book are too far apart.\n-- Book review by Ambrose Bierce.
The difference between waltzes and disco is mostly one of volume.\n-- T.K.
The faster we go, the rounder we get.\n-- The Grateful Dead
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.\n-- Dorothy Parker
The Great Movie Posters|An AVALANCHE of KILLER WORMS!\n-- Squirm (1976) Most Movies Live Less Than Two Hours. This Is One of Everlasting Torment! -- The New House on the Left (1977) WE ARE GOING TO EAT YOU! -- Zombie (1980) It's not human and it's got an axe. -- The Prey (1981)
The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."\n-- Johnny Carson
The horror... the horror!
The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".\n-- H. Allen Smith
The human brain is a wonderful thing.  It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.\n-- Sir George Jessel
"The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and has gills through which it can see."\n-- Monty Python
The key to building a superstar is to keep their mouth shut.  To reveal an artist to the people can be to destroy him.  It isn't to anyone's advantage to see the truth.\n-- Bob Ezrin, rock music producer
The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.\n-- Governor Tarkin
The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.\n-- Nicol Williamson
The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard.  The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.\n-- Robert Christgau, "Esquire"
The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.  Let the reader catch his own breath.\n-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.\n-- Dorothy Parker
The only real advantage to punk music is that nobody can whistle it.
The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.\n-- David Lardner
The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.\n-- John Steinbeck [Horse racing *is* a stable business ...]
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
The story you are about to hear is true.  Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
The streets were dark with something more than night.\n-- Raymond Chandler
The sun never sets on those who ride into it.\n-- RKO
The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.\n-- Ken Kesey
The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.\n-- Oscar Wilde
The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.\n-- Chuck Barris, creator of "The Gong Show"
The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.\n-- John Irving, "The World According to Garp"
There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.\n-- Quentin Crisp
There are three rules for writing a novel.  Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.\n-- Somerset Maugham
There are two ways of disliking art.   One is to dislike it.  The other is to like it rationally.\n-- Oscar Wilde
There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.\n-- Oscar Wilde
There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.\n-- Darth Vader
There is nothing wrong with writing ... as long as it is done in private and you wash your hands afterward.
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.\n-- Oscar Wilde
There's nothing remarkable about it.  All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.\n-- J.S. Bach
There's nothing to writing.  All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.\n-- Red Smith
There's something the technicians need to learn from the artists. If it isn't aesthetically pleasing, it's probably wrong.
There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.\n-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!\n-- The Blues Brothers
This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel. (If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)\n-- Found on a door in the MSU music building
This is the Baron.  Angel Martin tells me you buy information.  Ok, meet me at one a.m. behind the bus depot, bring five-hundred dollars and come alone.  I'm serious!\n-- "The Rockford Files"
This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.\n-- Dorothy Parker
This unit... must... survive.
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible.  This was terrible with raisins in it.\n-- Dorothy Parker
Three actors, Tom, Fred, and Cec, wanted to do the jousting scene from Don Quixote for a local TV show.  "I'll play the title role," proposed Tom.  "Fred can portray Sancho Panza, and Cecil B. De Mille."
Three hours a day will produce as much as a man ought to write.\n-- Trollope
To be is to do.\n-- I. Kant To do is to be. -- A. Sartre Do be a Do Bee! -- Miss Connie, Romper Room Do be do be do! -- F. Sinatra Yabba-Dabba-Doo! -- F. Flintstone
Today you'll start getting heavy metal radio on your dentures.
Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream.  Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring...  Tippy, the Wonder Dog!\n-- Bob & Ray
"Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures."\n-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.\n-- Han Solo
Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.\n-- Michelangelo
"Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense."
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.\n-- Frank Lloyd Wright
Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.\n-- Edward Gibbon
Use an accordion.  Go to jail.\n-- KFOG, San Francisco
Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.\n-- Henry Van Dyke
Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five.  The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.\n-- Joel Hildebrand
Watch all-night Donna Reed reruns until your mind resembles oatmeal.
Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.\n-- Han Solo
We don't like their sound.  Groups of guitars are on the way out.\n-- Decca Recording Company, turning down the Beatles, 1962
We have art that we do not die of the truth.\n-- Nietzsche
We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night.  Live, on the Death label.\n-- Swan, "Phantom of the Paradise"
We'll know that rock is dead when you have to get a degree to work in it.
We're only in it for the volume.\n-- Black Sabbath
"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children."\n"Oh, so you don't like it?"\n"Don't like it?  I'm CRAZY for it."\n-- The Killing Joke
"Well, that was a piece of cake, eh K-9?" "Piece of cake, Master?  Radial slice of baked confection ... coefficient of relevance to Key of Time: zero."\n-- Dr. Who
Wharbat darbid yarbou sarbay?
What a bonanza!  An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!\n-- David Niven, "Bring On the Empty Horses"
What an artist dies with me!\n-- Nero
What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.\n-- Brendan Francis
"What are you watching?"\n"I don't know."\n"Well, what's happening?"\n"I'm not sure...  I think the guy in the hat did something terrible."\n"Why are you watching it?"\n"You're so analytical.  Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."\n-- The Big Chill
What did you bring that book I didn't want to be read to out of about Down Under up for?
"What do you do when your real life exceeds your wildest fantasies?"\n"You keep it to yourself."\n-- Broadcast News
What ever happened to happily ever after?
What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window.
"What was the worst thing you've ever done?"\n"I won't tell you that, but I'll tell you the worst thing that ever happened to me... the most dreadful thing."\n-- Peter Straub, "Ghost Story"
When all else fails, try Kate Smith.
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.\n-- Raymond Chandler
When one woman was asked how long she had been going to symphony concerts, she paused to calculate and replied, "Forty-seven years -- and I find I mind it less and less."\n-- Louise Andrews Kent
Where is John Carson now that we need him?\n-- RLG
Whistler's mother is off her rocker.
Who is D.B. Cooper, and where is he now?
Who is John Galt?
Who is W.O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me?
Who was that masked man?
Who's on first?
Who's scruffy-looking?\n-- Han Solo
Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?\n-- Paul Simon
"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'?  I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."\n-- Ian Shoales
Why are you doing this to me?\nBecause knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.\n-- Jim Starlin, "Captain Marvel", #29
Why do we have two eyes?  To watch 3-D movies with.
Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?\n-- The Tasmanian Devil
Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.\n-- Christopher Plummer
Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
Would it help if I got out and pushed?\n-- Princess Leia Organa
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.\n-- Frank Zappa
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
Yeah, that's me, Tracer Bullet.  I've got eight slugs in me.  One's lead, the rest bourbon.  The drink packs a wallop, and I pack a revolver.  I'm a private eye.\n-- "Calvin & Hobbes"
Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.\n-- John Cheever
"You boys lookin' for trouble?"\n"Sure.  Whaddya got?"\n-- Marlon Brando, "The Wild Ones"
You're all clear now, kid.  Now blow this thing so we can all go home.\n-- Han Solo
"You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."\n-- Gary Giddens
Zero Mostel: That's it baby!  When you got it, flaunt it!  Flaunt it!\n-- Mel Brooks, "The Producers"
