1/2 oz. gin 1/2 oz. vodka 1/2 oz. rum (preferably dark) 3/4 oz. tequilla 1/2 oz. triple sec 1/2 oz. orange juice 3/4 oz. sour mix 1/2 oz. cola shake with ice and strain into frosted glass.\nLong Island Iced Tea
6 oz. orange juice 1 oz. vodka 1/2 oz. Galliano\nHarvey Wallbangers
A beer delayed is a beer denied.
A couple more shots of whiskey, women 'round here start looking good.\n[something about a 10 being a 4 after a six-pack?  Ed.]
A prohibitionist is the sort of man one wouldn't care to drink with\n-- even if he drank. -- H.L. Mencken
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.\n-- George Bernard Shaw
Alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine are weak dilutions. The surest poison is time.\n-- Emerson, "Society and Solitude"
Alcoholics Anonymous is when you get to drink under someone else's name.
Always store beer in a dark place.\n-- Lazarus Long
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.\n-- Dylan Thomas
And you can't get any Watney's Red Barrel, because the bars close every time you're thirsty...
... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.\n-- J. B. White
Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.\n-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
Because the wine remembers.
Beer & Pretzels -- Breakfast of Champions.
Beer -- it's not just for breakfast anymore.
Beggar to well-dressed businessman|"Could you spare $20.95 for a fifth of Chivas?"
Booze is the answer.  I don't remember the question.
Brandy-and-water spoils two good things.\n-- Charles Lamb
But, officer, he's not drunk, I just saw his fingers twitch!
Cerebus:	I'd love to lick apricot brandy out of your navel. Jaka:		Look, Cerebus-- Jaka has to tell you ... something Cerebus:	If Cerebus had a navel, would you lick apricot brandy out of it? Jaka:		Ugh! Cerebus:	You don't like apricot brandy?\n-- Cerebus #6, "The Secret"
Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero ... must drink brandy.\n-- Samuel Johnson
Come quickly, I am tasting stars!\n-- Dom Perignon, upon discovering champagne.
Come, landlord, fill the flowing bowl until it does run over, Tonight we will all merry be -- tomorrow we'll get sober.\n-- John Fletcher, "The Bloody Brother", II, 2
Don't drink when you drive -- you might hit a bump and spill it.
Don't smoke the next cigarette.  Repeat.
Drinking coffee for instant relaxation?  That's like drinking alcohol for instant motor skills.\n-- Marc Price
Drinking is not a spectator sport.\n-- Jim Brosnan
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.\n-- Robert Benchley
Drunks are rarely amusing unless they know some good songs and lose a lot a poker.\n-- Karyl Roosevelt
Every morning is a Smirnoff morning.
Excellent day for drinking heavily.  Spike the office water cooler.
Fishing, with me, has always been an excuse to drink in the daytime.\n-- Jimmy Cannon
Fortune finishes the great quotations, #17\n"This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,\nMay prove a beauteous flower when next we meet."\nJuliet, this bud's for you.
FORTUNE'S PARTY TIPS		#14 Tired of finding that other people are helping themselves to your good liquor at BYOB parties?  Take along a candle, which you insert and light after you've opened the bottle.  No one ever expects anything drinkable to be in a bottle which has a candle stuck in its neck.
Halley's Comet: It came, we saw, we drank.
Harry's bar has a new cocktail.  It's called MRS punch.  They make it with milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful.  The milk is for vitality and the sugar is for pep.  They put in the rum so that people will know what to do with all that pep and vitality.
Having a wonderful wine, wish you were beer.
Having wandered helplessly into a blinding snowstorm Sam was greatly relieved to see a sturdy Saint Bernard dog bounding toward him with the traditional keg of brandy strapped to his collar.\n"At last," cried Sam, "man's best friend -- and a great big dog, too!"
He knew the tavernes well in every toun.\n-- Geoffrey Chaucer
He's just like Capistrano, always ready for a few swallows.
"Hey!  Who took the cork off my lunch??!"\n-- W. C. Fields
I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver.\n-- Phil Harris
I distrust a man who says when.  If he's got to be careful not to drink too much, it's because he's not to be trusted when he does.\n-- Sidney Greenstreet, "The Maltese Falcon"
I don't drink, I don't like it, it makes me feel too good.\n-- K. Coates
I drink to make other people interesting.\n-- George Jean Nathan
I have just had eighteen whiskeys in a row.  I do believe that is a record.\n-- Dylan Thomas, his last words
I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink.\n-- Richard Burton
I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.\n-- Arturo Toscanini
I may not be able to walk, but I drive from a sitting position.
I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini.\n-- Alexander Woolcott
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers; what I said was all saloonkeepers were Democrats.
I never take work home with me; I always leave it in some bar along the way.
I suppose that in a few hours I will sober up. That's such a sad thought. I think I'll have a few more drinks to prepare myself.
I used to have a drinking problem.  Now I love the stuff.
I will not drink! But if I do... I will not get drunk! But if I do... I will not in public! But if I do... I will not fall down! But if I do... I will fall face down so that they cannot see my company badge.
I wish you were a Scotch on the rocks.
I'd like to meet the guy who invented beer and see what he's working on now.
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.\n-- Fred Allen [Also attributed to S. Clay Wilson.  Ed.]
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
I've always felt sorry for people that don't drink -- remember, when they wake up, that's as good as they're gonna feel all day!
I've always made it a solemn practice to never drink anything stronger than tequila before breakfast.\n-- R. Nesson
I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.\n-- George Gobel
If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
If I knew what brand [of whiskey] he drinks, I would send a barrel or so to my other generals.\n-- Abraham Lincoln, on General Grant
If people drank ink instead of Schlitz, they'd be better off.\n-- Edward E. Hippensteel [What brand of ink?  Ed.]
If you don't drink it, someone else will.
If you drink, don't park.  Accidents make people.
In a bottle, the neck is always at the top.
In a gathering of two or more people, when a lighted cigarette is placed in an ashtray, the smoke will waft into the face of the non-smoker.
In a whiskey it's age, in a cigarette it's taste and in a sports car it's impossible.
In vino veritas.\n[In wine there is truth.]\n-- Pliny
It has been said that Public Relations is the art of winning friends and getting people under the influence.\n-- Jeremy Tunstall
It's a brave man who, when things are at their darkest, can kick back and party!\n-- Dennis Quaid, "Inner Space"
It's gonna be alright, It's almost midnight, And I've got two more bottles of wine.
It's the same old story; boy meets beer, boy drinks beer... boy gets another beer.\n-- Cheers
It's useless to try to hold some people to anything they say while they're madly in love, drunk, or running for office.
Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
Kiss a non-smoker; taste the difference.
Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.
Lady Astor was giving a costume ball and Winston Churchill asked her what disguise she would recommend for him.  She replied, "Why don't you come sober, Mr. Prime Minister?"
Let the worthy citizens of Chicago get their liquor the best way they can. I'm sick of the job.  It's a thankless one and full of grief.\n-- Al Capone
Life, like beer, is merely borrowed.\n-- Don Reed
Look at it this way: Your daughter just named the fresh turkey you brought home "Cuddles", so you're going out to buy a canned ham.  And you're still drinking ordinary scotch?
Look at it this way: Your wife's spending $280 a month on meditation lessons to forget $26,000 of college education. And you're still drinking ordinary scotch?
"Mind if I smoke?"\n"I don't care if you burst into flames and die!"
"Mind if I smoke?"\n"Yes, I'd like to see that, does it come out of your ears or what?"
My mother drinks to forget she drinks.\n-- Crazy Jimmy
My uncle was the town drunk -- and we lived in Chicago.\n-- George Gobel
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
Never drink from your finger bowl -- it contains only water.
No, I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!
Norm:  Gentlemen, start your taps.\n-- Cheers, The Coach's Daughter Coach: How's life treating you, Norm? Norm:  Like it caught me in bed with his wife. -- Cheers, Any Friend of Diane's Coach: How's life, Norm? Norm:  Not for the squeamish, Coach. -- Cheers, Friends, Romans, and Accountants
Not all men who drink are poets.  Some of us drink because we aren't poets.
Not drinking, chasing women, or doing drugs won't make you live longer -- it just seems that way.
NOTICE|Anyone seen smoking will be assumed to be on fire and will be summarily put out.
Now is the time for drinking; now the time to beat the earth with unfettered foot.\n-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix.  Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol...\n-- Crazy Nigel
Old Grandad is dead but his spirits live on.
Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.\n-- W. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"
One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups -- alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.\n-- Alex Levine
PLEASE DON'T SMOKE HERE! Penalty: An early, lingering death from cancer,\nemphysema, or other smoking-caused ailment.
Preserve Wildlife!  Throw a party today!
Riffle West Virginia is so small that the Boy Scout had to double as the town drunk.
Romance, like alcohol, should be enjoyed, but should not be allowed to become necessary.\n-- Edgar Friedenberg
Said the attractive, cigar-smoking housewife to her girl-friend: "I got started one night when George came home and found one burning in the ashtray."
Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change.
Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.\n-- W.C. Fields
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.\n-- Fletcher Knebel
Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.\n-- Fran Lebowitz
Smoking Prohibited.  Absolutely no ifs, ands, or butts.
So, is the glass half empty, half full, or just twice as large as it needs to be?
Some people have no respect for age unless it's bottled.
Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm the only ashtray.
Take me drunk, I'm home again!
The best audience is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk.\n-- Maurice Baring
The best way to preserve a right is to exercise it, and the right to smoke is a right worth dying for.
The Celts invented two things, Whiskey and self-destruction.
The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will walk carefully.\n-- Russian Proverb
The cost of living has just gone up another dollar a quart.\n-- W.C. Fields
The mark of a good party is that you wake up the next morning wanting to change your name and start a new life in different city.\n-- Vance Bourjaily, "Esquire"
The search for the perfect martini is a fraud.  The perfect martini is a belt of gin from the bottle; anything else is the decadent trappings of civilization.\n-- T.K.
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.\n-- Fran Lebowitz, "Interview"
The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars.\n-- H. L. Mencken
The water was not fit to drink.  To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.\n-- Winston Churchill
"The whole world is about three drinks behind."\n-- Humphrey Bogart
The wise and intelligent are coming belatedly to realize that alcohol, and not the dog, is man's best friend.  Rover is taking a beating -- and he should.\n-- W.C. Fields
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
There are only two kinds of tequila.  Good and better.
There are two problems with a major hangover.  You feel like you are going to die and you're afraid that you won't.
There be sober men a'plenty, and drunkards barely twenty; there are men of over ninety who have never yet kissed a girl.  But give me the rambling rover, from Orkney down to Dover, we will roam the whole world over, and together we'll face the world.\n-- Andy Stewart, "After the Hush"
There is nothing wrong with abstinence, in moderation.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a lift home from the office.
These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
To one large turkey add one gallon of vermouth and a demijohn of Angostura bitters.  Shake.\n-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, recipe for turkey cocktail.
Too ripped.  Gotta go.
Toothpaste never hurts the taste of good scotch.
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor.\n"One thing about Jim," the other said to the bartender, "he sure knows when to stop."
Vermouth always makes me brilliant unless it makes me idiotic.\n-- E.F. Benson
We don't smoke and we don't chew, and we don't go with girls that do.\n-- Walter Summers
What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?\n-- J.D. Farley
When all else fails, pour a pint of Guinness in the gas tank, advance the spark 20 degrees, cry "God Save the Queen!", and pull the starter knob.\n-- MG "Series MGA" Workshop Manual
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year.  I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.\n-- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
When I sell liquor, it's called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on silver trays on Lake Shore Drive, it's called hospitality.\n-- Al Capone
When the cup is full, carry it level.
When the going gets tough, the tough go grab a beer.
While riding in a train between London and Birmingham, a woman inquired of Oscar Wilde, "You don't mind if I smoke, do you?"\nWilde gave her a sidelong glance and replied, "I don't mind if you burn, madam."
Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
Why on earth do people buy old bottles of wine when they can get a fresh one for a quarter of the price?
Woman on Street:	Sir, you are drunk; very, very drunk. Winston Churchill:	Madame, you are ugly; very, very ugly.\nI shall be sober in the morning.
Wonderful day.  Your hangover just makes it seem terrible.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.\n-- Mike Romanoff
You can't fall off the floor.
You're not an alcoholic unless you go to the meetings.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.\n-- Dean Martin
