Some men are so interested in their wives' continued happiness that they hire detectives to find out the reason for it.
Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit.\n-- Maureen Murphy
Some men feel that the only thing they owe the woman who marries them is a grudge.\n-- Helen Rowland
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.\n-- Gloria Steinem
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.\n-- Sigmund Freud
Sometimes, when I think of what that girl means to me, it's all I can do to keep from telling her.\n-- Andy Capp
Stanford women are responsible for the success of many Stanford men|they give them "just one more reason" to stay in and study every night.
Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.\n-- Kipling
Tehee quod she, and clapte the wyndow to.\n-- Geoffrey Chaucer
That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.\n-- Dorothy Parker
The advantage of being celibate is that when one sees a pretty girl one does not need to grieve over having an ugly one back home.\n-- Paul Leautaud, "Propos d'un jour"
The anger of a woman is the greatest evil with which you can threaten your enemies.\n-- Bonnard
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think.\n-- Ladies' Home Journal
The average woman must inevitably view her actual husband with a certain disdain; he is anything but her ideal.  In consequence, she cannot help feeling that her children are cruelly handicapped by the fact that he is their father.\n-- H.L. Mencken
The best man for the job is often a woman.
The best thing about being bald is, that, when unexpected company arrives, all you have to do is straighten your tie.
The big question is why in the course of evolution the males permitted themselves to be so totally eclipsed by the females.  Why do they tolerate this total subservience, this wretched existence as outcasts who are hungry all the time?
The chains of marriage are so heavy that it takes two to carry them, and sometimes three.\n-- Alexandre Dumas
The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff|"You claim," he jeered, "that my client came at you with a broken bottle in his hand.  But is it not true, that you had something in YOUR hand?" "Yes," the man admitted, "his wife. Very charming, of course, but not much good in a fight."
The difference between legal separation and divorce is that legal separation gives the man time to hide his money.
The eternal feminine draws us upward.\n-- Goethe
The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence, and the second the triumph of hope over experience.
The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
The girl who remembers her first kiss now has a daughter who can't even remember her first husband.
The girl who stoops to conquer usually wears a low-cut dress.
The girl who swears no one has ever made love to her has a right to swear.\n-- Sophia Loren
The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.  They gave him love and he invented marriage.
The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce.\n-- J.K. Galbraith
The heaviest object in the world is the body of the woman you have ceased to love.\n-- Marquis de Lac de Clapiers Vauvenargues
The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.\n-- Helen Rowland
The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for supper and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator.\n-- Bill Lawrence
The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him.\n-- Leo J. Burke
The little girl expects no declaration of tenderness from her doll. She loves it -- and that's all.  It is thus that we should love.\n-- DeGourmont
The man who understands one woman is qualified to understand pretty well everything.\n-- Yeats
The mature bohemian is one whose woman works full time.
The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT!?"
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.\n-- American proverb
The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding.
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.\n-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them be good at taking orders.\n-- Linda Festa
The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.\n-- Joey Adams, "Cindy and I"
The mother of the year should be a sterilized woman with two adopted children.\n-- Paul Ehrlich
The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a neccessity.\n-- Oscar Wilde
The only real argument for marriage is that it remains the best method for getting acquainted.\n-- Heywood Broun
The only really masterful noise a man makes in a house is the noise of his key, when he is still on the landing, fumbling for the lock.\n-- Colette
The perfect man is the true partner.  Not a bed partner nor a fun partner, but a man who will shoulder burdens equally with [you] and possess that quality of joy.\n-- Erica Jong
The person who marries for money usually earns every penny of it.
The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.\n-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on one leg.  The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't take it too seriously.\n-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
The six great gifts of an Irish girl are beauty, soft voice, sweet speech, wisdom, needlework, and chastity.\n-- Theodore Roosevelt, 1907
The surest sign that a man is in love is when he divorces his wife.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing\n-- and then marry him. -- Cher
The truth about a woman often lasts longer than the woman is true.
The two things that can get you into trouble quicker than anything else are fast women and slow horses.
The way to fight a woman is with your hat.  Grab it and run.
The woman you buy -- and she is the least expensive -- takes a great deal of money.  The woman who gives herself takes all your time.\n-- Balzac
There are a few things that never go out of style, and a feminine woman is one of them.\n-- Ralston
There are four stages to a marriage.  First there's the affair, then there's the marriage, then children and finally the fourth stage, without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.\n-- Norman Mailer
There are three things I have always loved and never understood -- art, music, and women.
There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.\n-- Stephen Stills
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -- before marriage and after marriage.
There goes the good time that was had by all.\n-- Bette Davis, remarking on a passing starlet
There is a vast difference between the savage and civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.\n-- Helen Rowland
There is no such thing as an ugly woman -- there are only the ones who do not know how to make themselves attractive.\n-- Christian Dior
There is not much to choose between a woman who deceives us for another, and a woman who deceives another for ourselves.\n-- Augier
There is only one way to console a widow.  But remember the risk.\n-- Robert Heinlein
There's nothing like a girl with a plunging neckline to keep a man on his toes.
There's nothing like a good dose of another woman to make a man appreciate his wife.\n-- Clare Booth Luce
There's nothing like good food, good wine, and a bad girl.
There's one consolation about matrimony.  When you look around you can always see somebody who did worse.\n-- Warren H. Goldsmith
There's one fool at least in every married couple.
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.\n-- Clint Eastwood
There's too much beauty upon this earth for lonely men to bear.\n-- Richard Le Gallienne
This guy runs into his house and yells to his wife, "Kathy, pack up your bags!  I just won the California lottery!"\n"Honey!", Kathy exclaims, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"\n"I don't care," responds the husband. "just so long as you're out of the house by dinner!"
'Tis more blessed to give than receive; for example, wedding presents.\n-- H.L. Mencken
To be beautiful is enough! if a woman can do that well who should demand more from her?  You don't want a rose to sing.\n-- Thackeray
To be considered successful, a woman must be much better at her job than a man would have to be.  Fortunately, this isn't difficult.
To be successful, a woman has to be much better at her job than a man.\n-- Golda Meir
To err is human -- but it feels divine.\n-- Mae West
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends.\n-- Benjamin Franklin
To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.\n-- St. Augustine
To our sweethearts and wives.  May they never meet.\n-- 19th century toast
Today when a man gets married he gets a home, a housekeeper, a cook, a cheering squad and another paycheck.  When a woman marries, she gets a boarder.
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.\n-- Mae West
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.\n-- Joan Rivers
Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin; but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building.\n-- Oscar Wilde
Two sure ways to tell a REALLY sexy man; the first is, he has a bad memory. I forget the second.
Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.\n-- Richard Armour
Valerie: Aww, Tom, you're going maudlin on me ... Tom:	 I reserve the right to wax maudlin as I wane eloquent ...\n-- Tom Chapin
We were happily married for eight months.  Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.\n-- Nick Faldo
We're all looking for a woman who can sit in a mini-skirt and talk philosophy, executing both with confidence and style.
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.\n-- John Heywood
Wedding rings are the world's smallest handcuffs.
Well, it's hard for a mere man to believe that woman doesn't have equal rights.\n-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
What a misfortune to be a woman!  And yet, the worst misfortune is not to understand what a misfortune it is.\n-- Kierkegaard, 1813-1855.
What do you give a man who has everything?  Penicillin.\n-- Jerry Lester
"What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager asked her mother.\n"Encouragement, dear," she replied.
What nonsense people talk about happy marriages!  A man can be happy with any woman so long as he doesn't love her.\n-- Oscar Wilde
What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency.\n-- George Nathan
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.  Luckily this is not difficult.\n-- Charlotte Whitton
When a girl can read the handwriting on the wall, she may be in the wrong rest room.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattentions of one.\n-- Helen Rowland
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.\n-- Sacha Guitry
When a woman gives me a present I have always two surprises|first is the present, and afterward, having to pay for it.\n-- Donnay
When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife.\n-- Oscar Wilde
When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.\n-- Mae West, "Klondike Annie"
When God created two sexes, he may have been overdoing it.\n-- Charles Merrill Smith
When God saw how faulty was man He tried again and made woman.  As to why he then stopped there are two opinions.  One of them is woman's.\n-- DeGourmont
When I was a young man, I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman.  Well, I found her -- but alas, she was waiting for the ideal man.\n-- Robert Schuman
When I'm good, I'm great; but when I'm bad, I'm better.\n-- Mae West
When it comes to broken marriages most husbands will split the blame -- half his wife's fault, and half her mother's.
When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
When one knows women one pities men, but when one studies men, one excuses women.\n-- Horne Tooke
When the candles are out all women are fair.\n-- Plutarch
When there is an old maid in the house, a watch dog is unnecessary.\n-- Balzac
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.\n-- George Bernard Shaw
When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.\n-- H.L. Mencken, "Sententiae"
When you're bored with yourself, marry, and be bored with someone else.\n-- David Pryce-Jones
When you're married to someone, they take you for granted ... when you're living with someone it's fantastic ... they're so frightened of losing you they've got to keep you satisfied all the time.\n-- Nell Dunn, "Poor Cow"
Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?\n-- Rita Rudner
Where's the man could ease a heart like a satin gown?\n-- Dorothy Parker, "The Satin Dress"
Why isn't there some cheap and easy way to prove how much she means to me?
Why won't you let me kiss you goodnight?  Is it something I said?\n-- Tom Ryan
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.\n-- Dumas
Woman was God's second mistake.\n-- Nietzsche
Woman was taken out of man -- not out of his head, to rule over him; nor out of his feet, to be trampled under by him; but out of his side, to be equal to him -- under his arm, that he might protect her, and near his heart that he might love her.\n-- Henry
Woman's advice has little value, but he who won't take it is a fool.\n-- Cervantes
Women are all alike.  When they're maids they're mild as milk: once make 'em wives, and they lean their backs against their marriage certificates, and defy you.\n-- Jerrold
Women are always anxious to urge bachelors to matrimony; is it from charity, or revenge?\n-- Gustave Vapereau
Women are just like men, only different.
Women are like elephants to me: I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.\n-- W.C. Fields
Women are not much, but they are the best other sex we have.\n-- Herold
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.\n-- Stephens
Women aren't as mere as they used to be.\n-- Pogo
Women can keep a secret just as well as men, but it takes more of them to do it.
Women complain about sex more than men.  Their gripes fall into two categories: (1) Not enough and (2) Too much.\n-- Ann Landers
Women give themselves to God when the Devil wants nothing more to do with them.\n-- Arnould
Women give to men the very gold of their lives.  Possibly; but they invariably want it back in such very small change.\n-- Oscar Wilde
Women in love consist of a little sighing, a little crying, a little dying\n-- and a good deal of lying. -- Ansey
Women reason with the heart and are much less often wrong than men who reason with the head.\n-- DeLescure
Women sometimes forgive a man who forces the opportunity, but never a man who misses one.\n-- Charles De Talleyrand-Perigord
Women treat us just as humanity treats its gods.  They worship us and are always bothering us to do something for them.\n-- Oscar Wilde
Women want their men to be cops.  They want you to punish them and tell them what the limits are.  The only thing that women hate worse from a man than being slapped is when you get on your knees and say you're sorry.\n-- Mort Sahl
Women who want to be equal to men lack imagination.
Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.\n-- Amiel
Women's virtue is man's greatest invention.\n-- Cornelia Otis Skinner
Women, deceived by men, want to marry them; it is a kind of revenge as good as any other.\n-- Philippe De Remi
"You are *so* lovely."\n"Yes."\n"Yes!  And you take a compliment, too!  I like that in a goddess."
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.  You are avenged fourteen hundred and forty times a day.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
You ask what a nice girl will do?  She won't give an inch, but she won't say no.\n-- Marcus Valerius Martialis
You can have a dog as a friend.  You can have whiskey as a friend.  But if you have a woman as a friend, you're going to wind up drunk and kissing your dog.\n-- foolin' around
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly -- only sooner than she thought you would.
You have only to mumble a few words in church to get married and few words in your sleep to get divorced.
You just know when a relationship is about to end.  My girlfriend called me at work and asked me how you change a lightbulb in the bathroom.  "It's very simple," I said. "You start by filling up the bathtub with water..."
You know you're getting old when you're Dad, and you're measuring your daughter for camp clothes, and there are certain measurements only her mother is allowed to take.
You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.\n-- M. Somerset Maugham
You lived with a man who wore white belts?  Laura, I'm disappointed in you.\n-- Remington Steele
You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
"You're just the sort of person I imagined marrying, when I was little... except, y'know, not green... and without all the patches of fungus."\n-- Swamp Thing
Young men want to be faithful and are not; old men want to be faithless and cannot.\n-- Oscar Wilde
Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
