"You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct."\n- M. Somerset Maugham
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."\n- Bert Lantz
"The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a neccessity."\n- Oscar Wilde
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."\n- Voltaire
"There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them"\n- Heisenberg
"It takes all sorts of in & out-door schooling to get adapted to my kind of fooling"\n- R. Frost
"Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our best ideas!"\n- Ben Jonson
And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight...Then he [the Lord!] said unto me, Lo, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung, and thou shalt prepare thy bread therewith. [Ezek. 4:12-15 (KJV)]
Wear me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion cruel as the grave; it blazes up like blazing fire, fiercer than any flame. [Song of Solomon 8:6 (NEB)]
But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words?  Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you? [2 Kings 18:27 (KJV)]
When Yahweh your gods has settled you in the land you're about to occupy, and driven out many infidels before you...you're to cut them down and exterminate them.  You're to make no compromise with them or show them any mercy. [Deut. 7:1 (KJV)]
I just thought of something funny...your mother.\n- Cheech Marin
You will be successful in your work.
The life of a repo man is always intense.
If you're not careful, you're going to catch something.
That's the thing about people who think they hate computers.  What they really hate is lousy programmers.\n- Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle in "Oath of Fealty"
Wherever you go...There you are.\n- Buckaroo Banzai
Life in the state of nature is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.\n- Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan
Lack of skill dictates economy of style.\n- Joey Ramone
No one is fit to be trusted with power. ... No one. ... Any man who has lived at all knows the follies and wickedness he's capabe of. ... And if he does know it, he knows also that neither he nor any man ought to be allowed to decide a single human fate.\n- C. P. Snow, The Light and the Dark
Successful and fortunate crime is called virtue.\n- Seneca
When we jumped into Sicily, the units became separated, and I couldn't find anyone.  Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major, three captains, two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the bridge.  Never in the history of war have so few been led by so many.\n- General James Gavin
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.\n- Edmund Burke
You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth.\n- Nicklaus Wirth
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner.\n- Calvin Keegan
Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.\n- Niels Bohr
The computer can't tell you the emotional story.  It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.\n- Frank Zappa
Things are not as simple as they seems at first.\n- Edward Thorp
The main thing is the play itself.  I swear that greed for money has nothing to do with it, although heaven knows I am sorely in need of money.\n- Feodor Dostoyevsky
It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions.\n- Robert Bly
Machines take me by surprise with great frequency.\n- Alan Turing
Uncertain fortune is thoroughly mastered by the equity of the calculation.\n- Blaise Pascal
After Goliath's defeat, giants ceased to command respect.\n- Freeman Dyson
There are two ways of constructing a software design.  One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.\n- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare
"It was the Law of the Sea, they said.	Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top."\n- Hunter S. Thompson
In the pitiful, multipage, connection-boxed form to which the flowchart has today been elaborated, it has proved to be useless as a design tool -- programmers draw flowcharts after, not before, writing the programs they describe.\n- Fred Brooks, Jr.
The so-called "desktop metaphor" of today's workstations is instead an "airplane-seat" metaphor.  Anyone who has shuffled a lap full of papers while seated between two portly passengers will recognize the difference -- one can see only a very few things at once.\n- Fred Brooks, Jr.
...when fits of creativity run strong, more than one programmer or writer has been known to abandon the desktop for the more spacious floor.\n- Fred Brooks, Jr.
...computer hardware progress is so fast.  No other technology since civilization began has seen six orders of magnitude in performance-price gain in 30 years.\n- Fred Brooks, Jr.
Digital computers are themselves more complex than most things people build|They hyave very large numbers of states.  This makes conceiving, describing, and testing them hard.  Software systems have orders-of-magnitude more states than computers do.\n- Fred Brooks, Jr.
The complexity of software is an essential property, not an accidental one. Hence, descriptions of a software entity that abstract away its complexity often abstract away its essence.\n- Fred Brooks, Jr.
Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary.  No such faith comforts the software engineer.\n- Fred Brooks, Jr.
Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.\n- Ellyn Mustard
The connection between the language in which we think/program and the problems and solutions we can imagine is very close.  For this reason restricting language features with the intent of eliminating programmer errors is at best dangerous.\n- Bjarne Stroustrup in "The C++ Programming Language"
The only way to learn a new programming language is by writing programs in it.\n- Brian Kernighan
Perfection is acheived only on the point of collapse.\n- C. N. Parkinson
There you go man, Keep as cool as you can. It riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave. Keep on being free!
Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana. - Jessie in the movie "Greaser's Palace"
Hoping to goodness is not theologically sound. - Peanuts
Police up your spare rounds and frags.  Don't leave nothin' for the dinks.\n- Willem Dafoe in "Platoon"
"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific."\n-- Jane Wagner
"Any medium powerful enough to extend man's reach is powerful enough to topple his world.  To get the medium's magic to work for one's aims rather than against them is to attain literacy."\n-- Alan Kay, "Computer Software", Scientific American, September 1984
"The greatest warriors are the ones who fight for peace."\n-- Holly Near
"No matter where you go, there you are..."\n-- Buckaroo Banzai
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be prosecuted.
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be SHOT AGAIN!
"I'm growing older, but not up."\n-- Jimmy Buffett
Scientists will study your brain to learn more about your distant cousin, Man.
"I hate the itching.  But I don't mind the swelling."\n-- new buzz phrase, like "Where's the Beef?" that David Letterman's trying to get everyone to start saying
Your own mileage may vary.
"Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again."\n-- Marvin The Paranoid Android
"Send lawyers, guns and money..."\n-- Lyrics from a Warren Zevon song
"I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs."\n- H. L. Mencken
"Remember, Information is not knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not truth; Truth is not beauty; Beauty is not love; Love is not music; Music is the best." -- Frank Zappa
I can't drive 55.
"And they told us, what they wanted...\nWas a sound that could kill some-one, from a distance." -- Kate Bush
"In the face of entropy and nothingness, you kind of have to pretend it's not there if you want to keep writing good code."  -- Karl Lehenbauer
Badges?  We don't need no stinking badges.
I can't drive 55. I'm looking forward to not being able to drive 65, either.
Thank God a million billion times you live in Texas.
"Can you program?"  "Well, I'm literate, if that's what you mean!"
No user-servicable parts inside.  Refer to qualified service personnel.
Regarding astral projection, Woody Allen once wrote, "This is not a bad way to travel, although there is usually a half-hour wait for luggage."
Do not underestimate the value of print statements for debugging.
Do not underestimate the value of print statements for debugging. Don't have aesthetic convulsions when using them, either.
Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.\n- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
The evolution of the human race will not be accomplished in the ten thousand years of tame animals, but in the million years of wild animals, because man is and will always be a wild animal.\n-- Charles Galton Darwin
Natural selection won't matter soon, not anywhere as much as concious selection. We will civilize and alter ourselves to suit our ideas of what we can be. Within one more human lifespan, we will have changed ourselves unrecognizably.\n-- Greg Bear
"Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin."\n-- Michael O'Donohugh
...though his invention worked superbly -- his theory was a crock of sewage from beginning to end. -- Vernor Vinge, "The Peace War"
"It's like deja vu all over again."   -- Yogi Berra
The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.\n-- Blaise Pascal
"Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?" he asked.  "Begin at the beginning," the King said, gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop." Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
A morsel of genuine history is a thing so rare as to be always valuable.\n-- Thomas Jefferson
To be awake is to be alive.  -- Henry David Thoreau, in "Walden"
A person with one watch knows what time it is; a person with two watches is never sure.   Proverb
You see but you do not observe. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in "The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes"
A quarrel is quickly settled when deserted by one party; there is no battle unless there be two.  -- Seneca
Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced -- even a proverb is no proverb to you till your life has illustrated it.  -- John Keats
The fancy is indeed no other than a mode of memory emancipated from the order of space and time.  -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.\n-- Bengamin Disraeli
Nothing in progression can rest on its original plan.  We may as well think of rocking a grown man in the cradle of an infant.  -- Edmund Burke
For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat, and wrong.\n-- H. L. Mencken
Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how much you get done.\n-- James J. Ling
One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought, a rivalry of aim.  -- Henry Brook Adams
Each honest calling, each walk of life, has its own elite, its own aristocracy based on excellence of performance.  -- James Bryant Conant
You can observe a lot just by watching.  -- Yogi Berra
If the presence of electricity can be made visible in any part of a circuit, I see no reason why intelligence may not be transmitted instantaneously by electricity.  -- Samuel F. B. Morse
"Mr. Watson, come here, I want you."   -- Alexander Graham Bell
It's currently a problem of access to gigabits through punybaud.\n-- J. C. R. Licklider
A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one can take from you.\n-- Ramsey Clark
The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.  -- James Baldwin
Small is beautiful.
...the increased productivity fostered by a friendly environment and quality tools is essential to meet ever increasing demands for software.\n-- M. D. McIlroy, E. N. Pinson and B. A. Tague
It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river.\n-- Abraham Lincoln
Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.\n-- Jean Cocteau
In the future, you're going to get computers as prizes in breakfast cereals. You'll throw them out because your house will be littered with them.\n-- Robert Lucky
Get hold of portable property.  -- Charles Dickens, "Great Expectations"
How many hardware guys does it take to change a light bulb? "Well the diagnostics say it's fine buddy, so it's a software problem."
"Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes.  I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal."\n- Zaphod Beeblebrox in "Hithiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
Uncompensated overtime?  Just Say No.
Decaffeinated coffee?  Just Say No.
"Show business is just like high school, except you get paid."\n- Martin Mull
"This isn't brain surgery; it's just television."\n- David Letterman
"Morality is one thing.  Ratings are everything."\n- A Network 23 executive on "Max Headroom"
Live free or die.
"...if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust,\nthis would be a better world."  - Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.  Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.
"Probably the best operating system in the world is the [operating system]\nmade for the PDP-11 by Bell Laboratories." - Ted Nelson, October 1977
"All these black people are screwing up my democracy." - Ian Smith
Use the Force, Luke.
I've got a bad feeling about this.
The power to destroy a planet is insignificant when compared to the power of the Force.\n- Darth Vader
When I left you, I was but the pupil.  Now, I am the master.\n- Darth Vader
"Well, well, well!  Well if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in poison!  How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip oil?  Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarble, ya eunuch jelly thou!"\n- Alex in "Clockwork Orange"
186,000 Miles per Second.  It's not just a good idea.  IT'S THE LAW.
Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.
Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
Children begin by loving their parents.  After a time they judge them.  Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.\n- Oscar Wilde
Single tasking: Just Say No.
"Catch a wave and you're sitting on top of the world."\n- The Beach Boys
"Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas."\n- Ian Fleming, "Casino Royale"
"I think trash is the most important manifestation of culture we have in my lifetime."\n- Johnny Legend
By one count there are some 700 scientists with respectable academic credentials (out of a total of 480,000 U.S. earth and life scientists) who give credence to creation-science, the general theory that complex life forms did not evolve but appeared "abruptly."\n- Newsweek, June 29, 1987, pg. 23
Even if you can deceive people about a product through misleading statements, sooner or later the product will speak for itself.\n- Hajime Karatsu
Memories of you remind me of you.\n-- Karl Lehenbauer
Life.  Don't talk to me about life.\n- Marvin the Paranoid Android
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
The world is coming to an end--save your buffers!
grep me no patterns and I'll tell you no lines.
It is your destiny.\n- Darth Vader
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side.\n- Han Solo
How many QA engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 3: 1 to screw it in and 2 to say "I told you so" when it doesn't work.
How many NASA managers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? "That's a known problem... don't worry about it."
To be is to program.
To program is to be.
I program, therefore I am.
People are very flexible and learn to adjust to strange surroundings -- they can become accustomed to read Lisp and Fortran programs, for example.\n- Leon Sterling and Ehud Shapiro, Art of Prolog, MIT Press
"I am your density."\n-- George McFly in "Back to the Future"
"So why don't you make like a tree, and get outta here."\n-- Biff in "Back to the Future"
"Falling in love makes smoking pot all day look like the ultimate in restraint."\n-- Dave Sim, author of Cerebrus.
The existence of god implies a violation of causality.
"I may kid around about drugs, but really, I take them seriously."\n- Doctor Graper
Operating-system software is the program that orchestrates all the basic functions of a computer.\n- The Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, September 15, 1987, page 40
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.\n- Francis Bellamy, 1892
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears.  I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.\n-- Steven Wright
My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big sattelite photo of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here".\n-- Steven Wright
You can't have everything... where would you put it?\n-- Steven Wright
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.\n-- Steven Wright
You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip over?  Well, that's how I feel all the time.\n-- Steven Wright
I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and the building started up.  So I took it out for a drive.  A cop pulled me over for speeding.  He asked me where I live... "Right here".\n-- Steven Wright
"Live or die, I'll make a million."\n-- Reebus Kneebus, before his jump to the center of the earth, Firesign Theater
