The typical page layout program is nothing more than an electronic light table for cutting and pasting documents.
There are bugs and then there are bugs.  And then there are bugs.\n-- Karl Lehenbauer
My computer can beat up your computer.\n- Karl Lehenbauer
Kill Ugly Processor Architectures\n- Karl Lehenbauer
Kill Ugly Radio\n- Frank Zappa
"Just Say No."   - Nancy Reagan "No."            - Ronald Reagan
Repel them.  Repel them.  Induce them to relinquish the spheroid.\n- Indiana University fans' chant for their perennially bad football team
If it's working, the diagnostics say it's fine. If it's not working, the diagnostics say it's fine.\n- A proposed addition to rules for realtime programming
I believe that if people would learn to use LSD's vision-inducing capability more wisely, under suitable conditions, in medical practice and in conjution with meditation, then in the future this problem child could become a wonder child.\n- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD
In the realm of scientific observation, luck is granted only to those who are prepared.\n- Louis Pasteur
core error - bus dumped
If imprinted foil seal under cap is broken or missing when purchased, do not use.
"Come on over here, baby, I want to do a thing with you."\n- A Cop, arresting a non-groovy person after the revolution, Firesign Theater
"Ahead warp factor 1"\n- Captain Kirk
Harrison's Postulate|For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Mr. Cole's Axiom|The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Felson's Law|To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
If a person (a) is poorly, (b) receives treatment intended to make him better, and (c) gets better, then no power of reasoning known to medical science can convince him that it may not have been the treatment that restored his health.\n- Sir Peter Medawar, The Art of the Soluble
America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.\n- Oscar Wilde
Unix:  Some say the learning curve is steep, but you only have to climb it once.\n-- Karl Lehenbauer
Sometimes, too long is too long.\n- Joe Crowe
When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.\n- Edmund Burke
"Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst."\n- Thomas Paine
"I say we take off; nuke the site from orbit.  It's the only way to be sure."\n- Corporal Hicks, in "Aliens"
"There is nothing so deadly as not to hold up to people the opportunity to do great and wonderful things, if we wish to stimulate them in an active way."\n- Dr. Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate in chemistry
"Athens built the Acropolis.  Corinth was a commercial city, interested in purely materialistic things.  Today we admire Athens, visit it, preserve the old temples, yet we hardly ever set foot in Corinth."\n- Dr. Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate in chemistry
I do not believe that this generation of Americans is willing to resign itself to going to bed each night by the light of a Communist moon...\n- Lyndon B. Johnson
Life's the same, except for the shoes.\n- The Cars
Purple hum Assorted cars Laser lights, you bring All to prove You're on the move and vanishing\n- The Cars
Could be you're crossing the fine line A silly driver kind of...off the wall You keep it cool when it's t-t-tight ...eyes wide open when you start to fall.\n- The Cars
Adapt.  Enjoy.  Survive.
Were there fewer fools, knaves would starve.\n- Anonymous
Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be lost under the burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition.\n- Isaac Asimov
And the crowd was stilled.  One elderly man, wondering at the sudden silence, turned to the Child and asked him to repeat what he had said.  Wide-eyed, the Child raised his voice and said once again, "Why, the Emperor has no clothes!  He is naked!"\n- "The Emperor's New Clothes"
"Those who believe in astrology are living in houses with foundations of Silly Putty."\n-  Dennis Rawlins, astronomer
Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself.\n- Miguel de Unamuno, Spanish philosopher and writer
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.\n- Kahlil Gibran
Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.\n- Paul Tillich, German theologian and historian
Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.\n- Voltaire
If only God would give me some clear sign!  Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.\n- Woody Allen
I cannot affirm God if I fail to affirm man.  Therefore, I affirm both. Without a belief in human unity I am hungry and incomplete.  Human unity is the fulfillment of diversity.  It is the harmony of opposites.  It is a many-stranded texture, with color and depth.\n- Norman Cousins
To downgrade the human mind is bad theology.\n- C. K. Chesterton
Life is a process, not a principle, a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.\n- Gerard Straub, television producer and author (stolen from Frank Herbert??)
So we follow our wandering paths, and the very darkness acts as our guide and our doubts serve to reassure us.\n- Jean-Pierre de Caussade, eighteenth-century Jesuit priest
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurence of the improbable.\n- H. L. Mencken
And do you not think that each of you women is an Eve?  The judgement of God upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of criminal at the bar of justice.\n- Tertullian, second-century Christian writer, misogynist
I judge a religion as being good or bad based on whether its adherents become better people as a result of practicing it.\n- Joe Mullally, computer salesman
Imitation is the sincerest form of plagarism.
"Unibus timeout fatal trap program lost sorry"\n- An error message printed by DEC's RSTS operating system for the PDP-11
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored power tools.
How many Bavarian Illuminati does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: one to screw it in, and one to confuse the issue.
How long does it take a DEC field service engineer to change a lightbulb? It depends on how many bad ones he brought with him.
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.\n- Thomas Jefferson
I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any Church that I know of.  My own mind is my own Church.\n- Thomas Paine
God requireth not a uniformity of religion.\n- Roger Williams
I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature.\n- Thomas Jefferson
The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity.  Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.\n- John Adams
The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion.  I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.\n- Abraham Lincoln
I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have gotten the hostages released.  I thank God they were satisfied with the missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme.\n- Oliver North
The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side by side to our common doom.\n- Clarence Darrow
We're here to give you a computer, not a religion.\n- attributed to Bob Pariseau, at the introduction of the Amiga
...there can be no public or private virtue unless the foundation of action is the practice of truth.\n- George Jacob Holyoake
"If you'll excuse me a minute, I'm going to have a cup of coffee."\n- broadcast from Apollo 11's LEM, "Eagle", to Johnson Space Center, Houston July 20, 1969, 7:27 P.M.
The meek are contesting the will.
I'm sick of being trodden on!  The Elder Gods say they can make me a man! All it costs is my soul!  I'll do it, cuz NOW I'M MAD!!!\n- Necronomicomics #1, Jack Herman & Jeff Dee
"I'm a mean green mother from outer space"\n-- Audrey II, The Little Shop of Horrors
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.\n- Andy Finkel, computer guy
Being schizophrenic is better than living alone.
NOWPRINT. NOWPRINT. Clemclone, back to the shadows again.\n- The Firesign Theater
Yes, many primitive people still believe this myth...But in today's technical vastness of the future, we can guess that surely things were much different.\n- The Firesign Theater
...this is an awesome sight.  The entire rebel resistance buried under six million hardbound copies of "The Naked Lunch."\n- The Firesign Theater
We want to create puppets that pull their own strings.\n- Ann Marion
I know engineers.  They love to change things.\n- Dr. McCoy
On our campus the UNIX system has proved to be not only an effective software tool, but an agent of technical and social change within the University.\n- John Lions (University of New South Wales)
Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.\n- Henry Spencer, University of Toronto Unix hack
Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society.\n- Mark Twain
The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money.\n- Ed Bluestone
He's dead, Jim.
New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.\n- David Letterman
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.\n- Al Capone
Remember, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.\n- Frank Zappa
I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired.  I'm certainly not.  But I'm sick and tired of being told that I am.\n- Monty Python
"There is no statute of limitations on stupidity."\n-- Randomly produced by a computer program called Markov3.
There is a time in the tides of men, Which, taken at its flood, leads on to success. On the other hand, don't count on it.\n- T. K. Lawson
To follow foolish precedents, and wink With both our eyes, is easier than to think.\n- William Cowper
It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.\n- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
Nothing ever becomes real until it is experienced.\n- John Keats
Your good nature will bring you unbounded happiness.
"We can't schedule an orgy, it might be construed as fighting"\n--Stanley Sutton
Weekends were made for programming.\n- Karl Lehenbauer
This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks -- to have a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed; no machines, no wires, no controls.\n- Michael Swanwick, "Vacuum Flowers"
"Ada is the work of an architect, not a computer scientist."\n- Jean Icbiah, inventor of Ada, weenie
Evolution is a bankrupt speculative philosophy, not a scientific fact. Only a spiritually bankrupt society could ever believe it. ... Only atheists could accept this Satanic theory.\n- Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, "The Pre-Adamic Creation and Evolution"
Now I lay me down to sleep I hear the sirens in the street All my dreams are made of chrome I have no way to get back home\n- Tom Waits
I am here by the will of the people and I won't leave until I get my raincoat back.\n- a slogan of the anarchists in Richard Kadrey's "Metrophage"
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb ? Seven:  One to install the new bulb, and six to determine what to do\nwith the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Mike's Law|For a lumber company employing two men and a cut-off saw, the marginal product of labor for any number of additional workers equals zero until the acquisition of another cut-off saw. Let's not even consider a chainsaw.\n- Mike Dennison [You could always schedule the saw, though - ed.]
As long as we're going to reinvent the wheel again, we might as well try making it round this time.\n- Mike Dennison
This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered french toast in the renaissance.\n- Steven Wright, comedian
Everyone has a purpose in life.  Perhaps yours is watching television.\n- David Letterman
e-credibility: the non-guaranteeable likelihood that the electronic data you're seeing is genuine rather than somebody's made-up crap.\n- Karl Lehenbauer
Whenever people agree with me, I always think I must be wrong.\n- Oscar Wilde
My mother is a fish.\n- William Faulkner
The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge.\n- Albert Einstein
Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people.\n- Eleanor Roosevelt
Spiritual leadership should remain spiritual leadership and the temporal power should not become too important in any church.\n- Eleanor Roosevelt
Truth has always been found to promote the best interests of mankind...\n- Percy Bysshe Shelley
It is wrong always, everywhere and for everyone to believe anything upon insufficient evidence.\n- W. K. Clifford, British philosopher, circa 1876
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.\n- Voltaire
What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity.  We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly -- that is the first law of nature.\n- Voltaire
It is clear that the individual who persecutes a man, his brother, because he is not of the same opinion, is a monster.\n- Voltaire
The man scarce lives who is not more credulous than he ought to be.... The natural disposition is always to believe.  It is acquired wisdom and experience only that teach incredulity, and they very seldom teach it enough.\n- Adam Smith
"I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell's ass."\n- Senator Barry Goldwater, when asked what he thought of Jerry Falwell's suggestion that all good Christians should be against Sandra Day O'Connor's nomination to the Supreme Court
...it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of probability.\n- Sidney Hook
A fanatic is a person who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.\n- Winston Churchill
We're fighting against humanism, we're fighting against liberalism... we are fighting against all the systems of Satan that are destroying our nation today...our battle is with Satan himself.\n- Jerry Falwell
They [preachers] dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight and scowl on the fatal harbinger announcing the subversions of the duperies on which they live.\n- Thomas Jefferson
Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proven innocent.\n- George Orwell
Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing is more difficult than to understand him.\n- Fyodor Dostoevski
The Messiah will come.  There will be a resurrection of the dead -- all the things that Jews believed in before they got so damn sophisticated.\n- Rabbi Meir Kahane
The world is no nursery.\n- Sigmund Freud
...I would go so far as to suggest that, were it not for our ego and concern to be different, the African apes would be included in our family, the Hominidae.\n- Richard Leakey
"Well, you see, it's such a transitional creature.  It's a piss-poor reptile and not very much of a bird."\n- Melvin Konner, from "The Tangled Wing", quoting a zoologist who has studied the archeopteryz and found it "very much like people"
"You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into shape."\n- Ellyn Mustard
"It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God but to\ncreate him."\n-Arthur C. Clarke
"Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?"\n-Ronald Reagan
"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things\nwe don't know yet."\n-Ambrose Bierce
"Plan to throw one away.  You will anyway."\n- Fred Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"
You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into shape.\n- Ellyn Mustard
"It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God but to\ncreate him."\n-Arthur C. Clarke
"Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?"\n-Ronald Reagan
"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things\nwe don't know yet."\n-Ambrose Bierce
"I have just one word for you, my boy...plastics."\n- from "The Graduate"
"There is such a fine line between genius and stupidity."\n- David St. Hubbins, "Spinal Tap"
"If Diet Coke did not exist it would have been neccessary to invent it."\n-- Karl Lehenbauer
In space, no one can hear you fart.
Brain damage is all in your head.\n-- Karl Lehenbauer
Wish and hope succeed in discerning signs of paranormality where reason and careful scientific procedure fail.\n- James E. Alcock, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12
"It is better to have tried and failed than to have failed to try, but the result's the same."\n- Mike Dennison
It is not well to be thought of as one who meekly submits to insolence and intimidation.
"Regardless of the legal speed limit, your Buick must be operated at speeds faster than 85 MPH (140kph)."\n-- 1987 Buick Grand National owners manual.
"Your attitude determines your attitude."\n-- Zig Ziglar, self-improvement doofus
Thufir's a Harkonnen now.
"By long-standing tradition, I take this opportunity to savage other designers in the thin disguise of good, clean fun."\n-- P. J. Plauger, from his April Fool's column in April 88's "Computer Language"
