"The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones."\n-- Nathaniel Howe
"It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underware."\n-- Norm, from _Cheers_
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease".  Disraeli replied, "That all depends, Sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
"He don't know me vewy well, DO he?"   -- Bugs Bunny
"I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob.\nThat will *prove* I'm Robin Hood."\n-- Daffy Duck, Looney Tunes, _Robin Hood Daffy_
"Would I turn on the gas if my pal Mugsy were in there?"\n"You might, rabbit, you might!"\n-- Looney Tunes, Bugs and Thugs (1954, Friz Freleng)
"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."\n-- Looney Tunes, Ali Baba Bunny (1957, Chuck Jones)
"And do you think (fop that I am) that I could be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?"\n-- Looney Tunes, The Scarlet Pumpernickel (1950, Chuck Jones)
"Now I've got the bead on you with MY disintegrating gun.  And when it disintegrates, it disintegrates.  (pulls trigger)  Well, what you do know, it disintegrated."\n-- Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a half century
"Kill the Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit!"\n-- Looney Tunes, "What's Opera Doc?" (1957, Chuck Jones)
"I DO want your money, because god wants your money!"\n-- The Reverend Jimmy, from _Repo_Man_
"The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency."\n-- Albert Einstein
"You show me an American who can keep his mouth shut and I'll eat him."\n-- Newspaperman from Frank Capra's _Meet_John_Doe_
"And we heard him exclaim\nAs he started to roam:\n`I'm a hologram, kids,\nplease don't try this at home!'"\n-- Bob Violence -- Howie Chaykin's little animated 3-dimensional darling, Bob Violence
"The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: `Hey you stinking fat Russian, get\noff my Ford Escort.'"\n-- Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live
"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum."\n--Arthur C. Clarke
"They ought to make butt-flavored cat food."   --Gallagher
"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."\n--Woody Allen
"It's ten o'clock... Do you know where your AI programs are?"  -- Peter Oakley
"Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves around than any other city in the world."\n-- David Letterman
"Tourists -- have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies.  When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay?	I was hitchhiking."\n-- David Letterman
"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax."\n-- David Letterman
"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?\n1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.\n2) Advising the President.\n3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his\ncoffin."\n-- David Letterman
"If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on\ntelevision with pool cues, who would win?\n1) Ricky Schroder\n2) Gary Coleman\n3) The television viewing public"\n-- David Letterman
"If you are beginning to doubt what I am saying, you are\nprobably hallucinating."\n-- The Firesign Theatre, _Everything you know is Wrong_
What to do in case of an alien attack|1)   Hide beneath the seat of your plane and look away. 2)   Avoid eye contact. 3) If there are no eyes, avoid all contact.\n-- The Firesign Theatre, _Everything you know is Wrong_
"Nuclear war would really set back cable."\n- Ted Turner
"You tweachewous miscweant!"\n-- Elmer Fudd
"I saw _Lassie_. It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid never spoke. I mean, he could roll over and all that, but did that deserve a series?"\n-- the alien guy, in _Explorers_
"Open Channel D..."\n-- Napoleon Solo, The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
Support Mental Health.  Or I'll kill you.
"The pyramid is opening!"\n"Which one?" "The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"\n-- The Firesign Theatre
"Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missile sighted, target Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept."\n-- The Firesign Theatre movie, _J-Men Forever_
"My sense of purpose is gone! I have no idea who I AM!"\n"Oh, my God... You've.. You've turned him into a DEMOCRAT!"\n-- Doonesbury
"You are WRONG, you ol' brass-breasted fascist poop!"\n-- Bloom County
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can* you believe?!"\n-- Bullwinkle J. Moose
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberrys!"\n-- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
"Take that, you hostile sons-of-bitches!"\n-- James Coburn, in the finale of _The_President's_Analyst_
"The voters have spoken, the bastards..."\n-- unknown
"I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk"\n-- John Huston
"Be there.  Aloha."\n-- Steve McGarret, _Hawaii Five-Oh_
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro..."\n-- Hunter S. Thompson
"Say yur prayers, yuh flea-pickin' varmint!"\n-- Yosemite Sam
"There... I've run rings 'round you logically"\n-- Monty Python's Flying Circus
"Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!"\n-- The Ghostbusters
"Just the facts, Ma'am"\n-- Joe Friday
"I have five dollars for each of you."\n-- Bernhard Goetz
Mausoleum:  The final and funniest folly of the rich.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Riches:  A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."\n-- John D. Rockefeller, (slander by Ambrose Bierce)
All things are either sacred or profane. The former to ecclesiasts bring gain; The latter to the devil appertain.\n-- Dumbo Omohundro
Saint:  A dead sinner revised and edited.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Forty two.
Meekness:  Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Abstainer:  A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.  A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Alliance:  In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Disobedience:  The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Egotist:  A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Administration:  An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
A penny saved is a penny to squander.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Ocean:  A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Physician:  One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Philosophy:  A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Politics:  A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Politician:  An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared.  When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.  As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Pray:  To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Presidency:  The greased pig in the field game of American politics.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
Proboscis:  The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him.  For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.\n-- Ambrose Bierce
"Today's robots are very primitive, capable of understanding only a few\nsimple instructions such as 'go left', 'go right', and 'build car'."\n--John Sladek
"In the fight between you and the world, back the world."\n--Frank Zappa
Here is an Appalachian version of management's answer to those who are concerned with the fate of the project: "Don't worry about the mule.  Just load the wagon."\n-- Mike Dennison's hillbilly uncle
Ill-chosen abstraction is particularly evident in the design of the ADA runtime system. The interface to the ADA runtime system is so opaque that it is impossible to model or predict its performance, making it effectively useless for real-time systems. -- Marc D. Donner and David H. Jameson.
"Being against torture ought to be sort of a bipartisan thing."\n-- Karl Lehenbauer
"Here comes Mr. Bill's dog."\n-- Narrator, Saturday Night Live
Sex is like air.  It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
"Maintain an awareness for contribution -- to your schedule, your project, our company."\n-- A Group of Employees
"Ask not what A Group of Employees can do for you.  But ask what can All Employees do for A Group of Employees."\n-- Mike Dennison
Many aligators will be slain, but the swamp will remain.
What the gods would destroy they first submit to an IEEE standards committee.
This is now.  Later is later.
"I will make no bargains with terrorist hardware."\n-- Peter da Silva
"If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go to hell."\n-- Jimmy Swaggart, 5/20/88
"Dump the condiments.  If we are to be eaten, we don't need to taste good."\n-- "Visionaries" cartoon
"Aww, if you make me cry anymore, you'll fog up my helmet."\n-- "Visionaries" cartoon
I don't want to be young again, I just don't want to get any older.
Marriage Ceremony:  An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.\n-- O. C. Ogilvie
When it is incorrect, it is, at least *authoritatively* incorrect.\n-- Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy
Voodoo Programming:  Things programmers do that they know shouldn't work but they try anyway, and which sometimes actually work, such as recompiling everything.\n-- Karl Lehenbauer
This is, of course, totally uninformed specualation that I engage in to help support my bias against such meddling... but there you have it.\n-- Peter da Silva, speculating about why a computer program that had been changed to do something he didn't approve of, didn't work
"This knowledge I pursure is the finest pleasure I have ever known.  I could no sooner give it up that I could the very air that I breath."\n-- Paolo Uccello, Renaissance artist, discoverer of the laws of perspective
"I got everybody to pay up front...then I blew up their planet."\n"Now why didn't I think of that?"\n-- Post Bros. Comics
"Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed."\n-- Robin, The Boy Wonder
The F-15 Eagle|If it's up, we'll shoot it down.  If it's down, we'll blow it up.\n-- A McDonnel-Douglas ad from a few years ago
"The Amiga is the only personal computer where you can run a multitasking operating system and get realtime performance, out of the box."\n-- Peter da Silva
"It's my cookie file and if I come up with something that's lame and I like it, it goes in."\n-- karl (Karl Lehenbauer)
FORTRAN?  The syntactically incorrect statement "DO 10 I = 1.10" will parse and generate code creating a variable, DO10I, as follows: "DO10I = 1.10"  If that doesn't terrify you, it should.
"I knew then (in 1970) that a 4-kbyte minicomputer would cost as much as a house.  So I reasoned that after college, I'd have to live cheaply in an apartment and put all my money into owning a computer."\n-- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45
"I just want to be a good engineer."\n-- Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Computer, concluding his keynote speech at the 1988 AppleFest
"There's always been Tower of Babel sort of bickering inside Unix, but this is the most extreme form ever.  This means at least several years of confusion."\n-- Bill Gates, founder and chairman of Microsoft, about the Open Systems Foundation
"When in doubt, print 'em out."\n-- Karl's Programming Proverb 0x7
Fools ignore complexity.  Pragmatists suffer it. Some can avoid it.  Geniuses remove it.\n-- Perlis's Programming Proverb #58, SIGPLAN Notices, Sept.  1982
"What if" is a trademark of Hewlett Packard, so stop using it in your sentences without permission, or risk being sued.
"We came.  We saw.  We kicked its ass."\n-- Bill Murray, _Ghostbusters_
If you permit yourself to read meanings into (rather than drawing meanings out of) the evidence, you can draw any conclusion you like.\n-- Michael Keith, "The Bar-Code Beast", The Skeptical Enquirer Vol 12 No 4 p 416
"Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not make the simple next step of supporting multitasking."\n-- George McFry
Sigmund Freud is alleged to have said that in the last analysis the entire field of psychology may reduce to biological electrochemistry.
"Laugh while you can, monkey-boy."\n-- Dr. Emilio Lizardo
"Floggings will continue until morale improves."\n-- anonymous flyer being distributed at Exxon USA
"Hey Ivan, check your six."\n-- Sidewinder missile jacket patch, showing a Sidewinder driving up the tail of a Russian Su-27
"Free markets select for winning solutions."\n-- Eric S. Raymond
"I dislike companies that have a we-are-the-high-priests-of-hardware-so-you'll- like-what-we-give-you attitude.  I like commodity markets in which iron-and- silicon hawkers know that they exist to provide fast toys for software types like me to play with..."\n-- Eric S. Raymond
"The urge to destroy is also a creative urge."\n-- Bakunin [ed. note - I would say: The urge to destroy may sometimes be a creative urge.]
"Wish not to seem, but to be, the best."\n-- Aeschylus
"Survey says..."\n-- Richard Dawson, weenie, on "Family Feud"
"Paul Lynde to block..."\n-- a contestant on "Hollywood Squares"
"Little else matters than to write good code."\n-- Karl Lehenbauer
To write good code is a worthy challenge, and a source of civilized delight.\n-- stolen and paraphrased from William Safire
"Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward"\n-- William E. Davidsen
"If a computer can't directly address all the RAM you can use, it's just a toy."\n-- anonymous comp.sys.amiga posting, non-sequitir
"Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool!" he said to himself, and it became a favourite saying of his later, and passed into a proverb. "You aren't nearly through this adventure yet," he added, and that was pretty true as well.\n-- Bilbo Baggins, "The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkien, Chapter XII
"A dirty mind is a joy forever."\n-- Randy Kunkee
"You can't teach seven foot."\n-- Frank Layton, Utah Jazz basketball coach, when asked why he had recruited a seven-foot tall auto mechanic
"A car is just a big purse on wheels."\n-- Johanna Reynolds
"History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions."\n-- Ted Koppel
God grant me the senility to accept the things I cannot change, The frustration to try to change things I cannot affect, and the wisdom to tell the difference.
"Nine years of ballet, asshole."\n-- Shelly Long, to the bad guy after making a jump over a gorge that he couldn't quite, in "Outrageous Fortune"
You are in a maze of UUCP connections, all alike.
"If that man in the PTL is such a healer, why can't he make his wife's\nhairdo go down?"\n-- Robin Williams
8)   Use common sense in routing cable.  Avoid wrapping coax around sources of\nstrong electric or magnetic fields.  Do not wrap the cable around\nflourescent light ballasts or cyclotrons, for example.\n-- Ethernet Headstart Product, Information and Installation Guide, Bell Technologies, pg. 11
"What a wonder is USENET; such wholesale production of conjecture from such a trifling investment in fact."\n-- Carl S. Gutekunst
VMS must die!
MS-DOS must die!
OS/2 must die!
Pournelle must die!
Garbage In, Gospel Out
"Being against torture ought to be sort of a multipartisan thing."\n-- Karl Lehenbauer, as amended by Jeff Daiell, a Libertarian
"Facts are stupid things."\n-- President Ronald Reagan (a blooper from his speeach at the '88 GOP convention)
"An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of code."\n-- an anonymous programmer
"To IBM, 'open' means there is a modicum of interoperability among some of their equipment."\n-- Harv Masterson
"Just think of a computer as hardware you can program."\n-- Nigel de la Tierre
"If you own a machine, you are in turn owned by it, and spend your time\nserving it..."\n-- Marion Zimmer Bradley, _The Forbidden Tower_
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."\n-- Albert Einstein
"Card readers?  We don't need no stinking card readers."\n-- Peter da Silva (at the National Academy of Sciencies, 1965, in a particularly vivid fantasy)
Your good nature will bring unbounded happiness.
Semper Fi, dude.
"An entire fraternity of strapping Wall-Street-bound youth.  Hell - this is going to be a blood bath!"\n-- Post Bros. Comics
"Neighbors!!  We got neighbors!  We ain't supposed to have any neighbors, and I just had to shoot one."\n-- Post Bros. Comics
"Gotcha, you snot-necked weenies!"\n-- Post Bros. Comics
interlard - vt., to intersperse; diversify\n-- Webster's New World Dictionary Of The American Language
"Everybody is talking about the weather but nobody does anything about it."\n-- Mark Twain
"How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?"\n"FIFTEEN!!  YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?"
"If you weren't my teacher, I'd think you just deleted all my files."\n-- an anonymous UCB CS student, to an instructor who had typed "rm -i *" to get rid of a file named "-f" on a Unix system.
"The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who, in times of moral crisis, preserved their neutrality."\n-- Dante
"The medium is the message."\n-- Marshall McLuhan
