"Inquiry is fatal to certainty."\n-- Will Durant
"The Mets were great in 'sixty eight,\nThe Cards were fine in 'sixty nine,\nBut the Cubs will be heavenly in nineteen and seventy."\n-- Ernie Banks
"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?'  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."\n-- Charles Babbage
"I call Christianity the *one* great curse, the *one* great intrinsic depravity, the *one* great instinct for revenge for which no expedient is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, *petty* -- I call it the *one* mortal blemish of mankind."\n-- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."\n-- Blair Houghton
"...one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs."\n-- Robert Firth
What did Mickey Mouse get for Christmas? A Dan Quayle watch.\n-- heard from a Mike Dukakis field worker
Q:  What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?|A:  The car salesman can probably drive!\n-- Joan McGalliard (jem@latcs1.oz.au)
"Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."\n-- Dave Mack (mack@inco.UUCP) "Yours is." -- Allen Gwinn (allen@sulaco.sigma.com), in alt.flame
"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"\n-- Daniel Hinojosa (hinojosa@hp-sdd)
"Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator."\n-- Claude Shouse (shouse@macomw.ARPA) "Einstein's mother must have been one heck of a physicist." -- Joseph C. Wang (joe@athena.mit.edu)
"Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines."\n-- Bertrand Russell
"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."\n-- Matt Cartmill
Heisenberg might have been here.
"Any excuse will serve a tyrant."\n-- Aesop
"Experience has proved that some people indeed know everything."\n-- Russell Baker
How many Zen Buddhist does it take to change a light bulb? Two.  One to change it and one not to change it.
"I prefer the blunted cudgels of the followers of the Serpent God."\n-- Sean Doran the Younger
"If I do not want others to quote me, I do not speak."\n-- Phil Wayne
"my terminal is a lethal teaspoon."\n-- Patricia O Tuama
"I am ... a woman ... and ... technically a parasitic uterine growth"\n-- Sean Doran the Younger [allegedly]
"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'\n-- Joel M. Snyder, jms@mis.arizona.edu
"Money is the root of all money."\n-- the moving finger
"...Greg Nowak:  `Another flame from greg' - need I say more?"\n-- Jonathan D. Trudel, trudel@caip.rutgers.edu "No.  You need to say less." -- Richard Sexton, richard@gryphon.COM
"And it's my opinion, and that's only my opinion, you are a lunatic.  Just because there are a few hunderd other people sharing your lunacy with you does not make you any saner.  Doomed, eh?"\n-- Oleg Kiselev,oleg@CS.UCLA.EDU
"Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is to a cockatoo."\n-- George Bernard Shaw
"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out."\n-- Montaigne
"For a male and female to live continuously together is...  biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition."\n-- Robert Briffault
"Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it."\n-- Baskins
A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."\n-- G. Fitch
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."\n-- Mark Twain
"If there isn't a population problem, why is the government putting cancer in the cigarettes?"\n-- the elder Steptoe, c. 1970
"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:  Pour a little\nLavoris in the toilet."\n-- Comedian Jay Leno
"Here's something to think about:  How come you never see a headline like\n`Psychic Wins Lottery.'"\n-- Comedian Jay Leno
"Well hello there Charlie Brown, you blockhead."\n-- Lucy Van Pelt
"Time is an illusion.  Lunchtime doubly so."\n-- Ford Prefect, _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_
"Ignorance is the soil in which belief in miracles grows."\n-- Robert G. Ingersoll
"Let every man teach his son, teach his daughter, that labor is honorable."\n-- Robert G. Ingersoll
"I have not the slightest confidence in 'spiritual manifestations.'"\n-- Robert G. Ingersoll
"It is hard to overstate the debt that we owe to men and women of genius."\n-- Robert G. Ingersoll
"Joy is wealth and love is the legal tender of the soul."\n-- Robert G. Ingersoll
"The hands that help are better far than the lips that pray."\n-- Robert G. Ingersoll
"It is the creationists who blasphemously are claiming that God is cheating\nus in a stupid way."\n-- J. W. Nienhuys
"No, no, I don't mind being called the smartest man in the world.  I just wish\nit wasn't this one."\n-- Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias, WATCHMEN
"Be *excellent* to each other."\n-- Bill, or Ted, in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it." -- Alex Schure
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips\nover, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come."\n--Matt Groening
"I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens."\n-- Woody Allen
"The Street finds its own uses for technology."\n-- William Gibson
"I see little divinity about them or you.  You talk to me of Christianity when you are in the act of hanging your enemies.  Was there ever such blasphemous nonsense!"\n-- Shaw, "The Devil's Disciple"
"You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but only for a limited period of time.  Why should we think that collectively, as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?"\n-- Ronald Reagan
"He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental effort, he could probably turn the activity into an acceptable perversion."\n-- Mick Farren, _When Gravity Fails_
"Conversion, fastidious Goddess, loves blood better than brick, and feasts most subtly on the human will."\n-- Virginia Woolf, "Mrs. Dalloway"
It's time to boot, do your boot ROMs know where your disk controllers are?
"What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying."\n-- Nikita Khrushchev
"...a most excellent barbarian ... Genghis Kahn!"\n-- _Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure_
"Pull the trigger and you're garbage."\n-- Lady Blue
"Oh what wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face..."\n-- a prisoner in "Life of Brian"
"Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth."\n-- Milton
"If you can't debate me, then there is no way in hell you'll out-insult me."\n-- Scott Legrand (Scott.Legrand@hogbbs.Fidonet.Org) "You may be wrong here, little one." -- R. W. F. Clark (RWC102@PSUVM)
"BYTE editors are men who seperate the wheat from the chaff, and then\nprint the chaff."\n-- Lionel Hummel (uiucdcs!hummel), derived from a quote by Adlai Stevenson, Sr.
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."\n-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
"I am, therefore I am."\n-- Akira
"Stan and I thought that this experiment was so stupid, we decided to finance\nit ourselves."\n-- Martin Fleischmann, co-discoverer of room-temperature fusion (?)
"I have more information in one place than anybody in the world."\n-- Jerry Pournelle, an absurd notion, apparently about the BIX BBS
"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."\n-- John Wooden
#define BITCOUNT(x)	(((BX_(x)+(BX_(x)>>4)) & 0x0F0F0F0F) % 255) #define  BX_(x)		((x) - (((x)>>1)&0x77777777)			\\n- (((x)>>2)&0x33333333)			\ - (((x)>>3)&0x11111111)) -- really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word
"If you can write a nation's stories, you needn't worry about who makes its\nlaws.  Today, television tells most of the stories to most of the people\nmost of the time."\n-- George Gerbner
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists\nin trying to adapt the world to himself.  Therefore all progress depends on\nthe unreasonable man."\n-- George Bernard Shaw
"We want to create puppets that pull their own strings."\n-- Ann Marion "Would this make them Marionettes?" -- Jeff Daiell
On the subject of C program indentation|"In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be indented six feet downward and covered with dirt."\n-- Blair P. Houghton
"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry."\n-- a Larson cartoon
"But don't you see, the color of wine in a crystal glass can be spiritual.\nThe look in a face, the music of a violin.  A Paris theater can be infused\nwith the spiritual for all its solidity."\n-- Lestat, _The Vampire Lestat_, Anne Rice
"Love your country but never trust its government."\n-- from a hand-painted road sign in central Pennsylvania
I bought the latest computer;\nit came fully loaded.\nIt was guaranteed for 90 days,\nbut in 30 was outmoded!\n- The Wall Street Journal passed along by Big Red Computer's SCARLETT
To update Voltaire, "I may kill all msgs from you, but I'll fight for your right to post it, and I'll let it reside on my disks".\n-- Doug Thompson (doug@isishq.FIDONET.ORG)
"Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to be maintained."\n-- The Tao of Programming
"Turn on, tune up, rock out."\n-- Billy Gibbons
"Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix.  Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol..."\n-- Crazy Nigel
"Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all...."\n-- Thomas J. Kopp
"All over the place, from the popular culture to the propaganda system, there is constant pressure to make people feel that they are helpless, that the only role they can have is to ratify decisions and to consume."\n-- Noam Chomsky
"A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked."\n-- John Gall, _Systemantics_
"In my opinion, Richard Stallman wouldn't recognise terrorism if it came up and bit him on his Internet."\n-- Ross M. Greenberg
"If I ever get around to writing that language depompisifier, it will change almost all occurences of the word "paradigm" into "example" or "model."\n-- Herbie Blashtfalt
"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."\n-- Marvin the paranoid android
Contemptuous lights flashed across the computer's console.\n-- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
To err is human, to moo bovine.
"America is a stronger nation for the ACLU's uncompromising effort."\n-- President John F. Kennedy
"The strength of the Constitution lies entirely in the determination of each citizen to defend it.  Only if every single citizen feels duty bound to do his share in this defense are the constitutional rights secure."\n-- Albert Einstein
"Well I don't see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many men happy."\n-- Ellyn Mustard, about marriage
"And it should be the law: If you use the word `paradigm' without knowing what the dictionary says it means, you go to jail. No exceptions."\n-- David Jones @ Megatest Corporation
"Luke, I'm yer father, eh.  Come over to the dark side, you hoser."\n-- Dave Thomas, "Strange Brew"
"Let's not be too tough on our own ignorance.  It's the thing that makes\nAmerica great.  If America weren't incomparably ignorant, how could we\nhave tolerated the last eight years?"\n-- Frank Zappa, Feb 1, 1989
"Don't think; let the machine do it for you!"\n-- E. C. Berkeley
"It ain't over until it's over."\n-- Casey Stengel
"If anything can go wrong, it will."\n-- Edsel Murphy
"Yo baby yo baby yo."\n-- Eddie Murphy
Everyone who comes in here wants three things|1. They want it quick. 2. They want it good. 3. They want it cheap. I tell 'em to pick two and call me back.\n-- sign on the back wall of a small printing company in Delaware
"More software projects have gone awry for lack of calendar time than for all\nother causes combined."\n-- Fred Brooks, Jr., _The Mythical Man Month_
panic: kernel trap (ignored)
"Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile."\n-- Karl Lehenbauer
"Remember, extremism in the nondefense of moderation is not a virtue."\n-- Peter Neumann, about usenet
"We dedicated ourselves to a powerful idea -- organic law rather than naked\npower.  There seems to be universal acceptance of that idea in the nation."\n-- Supreme Court Justice Potter Steart
"What man has done, man can aspire to do."\n-- Jerry Pournelle, about space flight
"Well, it don't make the sun shine, but at least it don't deepen the shit."\n-- Straiter Empy, in _Riddley_Walker_ by Russell Hoban
"If you can, help others.  If you can't, at least don't hurt others."\n-- the Dalai Lama
To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide a test load.
"Just think, with VLSI we can have 100 ENIACS on a chip!"\n-- Alan Perlis
"...Local prohibitions cannot block advances in military and commercial\ntechnology... Democratic movements for local restraint can only restrain\nthe world's democracies, not the world as a whole."\n-- K. Eric Drexler
"The rotter who simpers that he sees no difference between a five-dollar bill and a whip deserves to learn the difference on his own back -- as, I think, he will."\n-- Francisco d'Anconia, in Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_
"If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and\nthe irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will\nlose that, too."\n-- W. Somerset Maugham
"Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway so I don't know why I bother\nto say it, oh God, I'm so depressed.  Here's another of those self-satisfied\ndoors.  Life!  Don't talk to me about life."\n-- Marvin the Paranoid Android
"Gort, klaatu nikto barada."\n-- The Day the Earth Stood Still
"Don't drop acid, take it pass-fail!"\n-- Bryan Michael Wendt
"I got a question for ya.  Ya got a minute?"\n-- two programmers passing in the hall
I took a fish head to the movies and I didn't have to pay.\n-- Fish Heads, Saturday Night Live, 1977.
What hath Bob wrought?
"I don't know where we come from,\nDon't know where we're going to,\nAnd if all this should have a reason,\nWe would be the last to know.\nSo let's just hope there is a promised land,\nAnd until then,\n...as best as you can."\n-- Steppenwolf, "Rock Me Baby"
"Help Mr. Wizard!"\n-- Tennessee Tuxedo
"The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.\nHe of all men should behave as though the law compelled him.\nBut it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are\ngiven to administer we presently imagine we own."\n-- H.G. Wells
"Unlike most net.puritans, however, I feel that what OTHER consenting computers\ndo in the privacy of their own phone connections is their own business."\n-- John Woods, jfw@eddie.mit.edu
"Don't talk to me about disclaimers!  I invented disclaimers!"\n-- The Censored Hacker
"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."\n-- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989 [apparently, good TV reception is a basic necessity -- at least in Tucson  -kl]
"One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that\nsometimes you must work under adverse conditions... like a state of sheer\nterror."\n-- W. K. Hartmann
"It's when they say 2 + 2 = 5 that I begin to argue."\n-- Eric Pepke
Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."\n-- David Guaspari
"The NY Times is read by the people who run the country.  The Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country.   The National Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country..."\n-- Robert J Woodhead (trebor@biar.UUCP)
"Irrigation of the land with sewater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'."\n-- Michael McClary, in alt.fusion
"The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by people\nwho don't understand, who have not gotten in there and tried anything."\n-- Jim Joyce, former computer science lecturer at the University of California
"You can have my Unix system when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers."\n-- Cal Keegan
