A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.\n-- Bill Cain, "Stand Up Tragedy"
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry.  Hence University education.\n-- G. B. Shaw
A good question is never answered.  It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.\n-- John Ciardi
A grammarian's life is always in tense.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.\n-- William James
A Parable of Modern Research|Bob has lost his keys in a room which is dark except for one brightly lit corner. "Why are you looking under the light, you lost them in the dark!" "I can only see here."
A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.\n-- Burt Bacharach
A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.\n-- John Ciardi
"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."\n-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.\n-- Wallace Sayre
Academicians care, that's who.
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.\n-- Benjamin Franklin
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.\n-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.\n-- J.F. Kennedy
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it.  If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.\n-- Peter Ustinov
Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.\n-- M. M. Johnston
Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."\n-- David Guaspari
Dear Freshman,\nYou don't know who I am and frankly shouldn't care, but unknown to you we have something in common.  We are both rather prone to mistakes.  I was elected Student Government President by mistake, and you came to school here by mistake.
Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.
Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
Do you know the difference between education and experience?  Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.\n-- Pete Seeger
Do you think that illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand.  The less of either the people have, the less they want.\n-- Charlotte Observer, 1897
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.\n-- Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist"
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.\n-- Daniel J. Boorstin
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.\n-- Irwin Edman
Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.\n-- B.F. Skinner
Educational television should be absolutely forbidden.  It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.\n-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
Eloquence is logic on fire.
Encyclopedia for sale by father.  Son knows everything.
Engineering:    "How will this work?" Science:        "Why will this work?" Management:     "When will this work?" Liberal Arts:   "Do you want fries with that?"
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?\n-- Clarence Darrow
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers.  My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.  There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.\n-- Flannery O'Connor
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.\n-- C.C. Colton
Experience is the worst teacher.  It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
f u cn rd ths, u r prbbly a lsy spllr.
Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.\n-- Robert Parker, quoted in "Murder Ink",  ed. D. Wynn
Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to school.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.\n-- Gail Godwin
Graduate life: It's not just a job.  It's an indenture.
Graduate students and most professors are no smarter than undergrads. They're just older.
He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.\n-- Benjamin Franklin
"He was a modest, good-humored boy.  It was Oxford that made him insufferable."
He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general education and culture.\n-- Julia Norton McCorkle
[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.\n-- Ring Lardner
Higher education helps your earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.\n-- Leo Tolstoy
How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?\n-- Elliot, "E.T."
I am a bookaholic.  If you are a decent person, you will not sell me another book.
"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."\n-- English Professor
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.\n-- Professor Lowd, English, Ohio University
I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.\n-- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy, University of Tennessee at Knoxville
I came out of twelve years of college and I didn't even know how to sew. All I could do was account -- I couldn't even account for myself.\n-- Firesign Theatre
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.\n-- Blaise Pascal
"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."\n-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting|a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.\n-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.\n-- Wilson Mizner
I think your opinions are reasonable, except for the one about my mental instability.\n-- Psychology Professor, Farifield University
"I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it (your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage."\n-- English Professor, Providence College
If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.\n-- Edward Holyoke
If he had only learnt a little less, how infinitely better he might have taught much more!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.\n-- Tom Robbins
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.\n-- Pope John Paul I
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?\n-- Lily Tomlin
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.\n-- Wittgenstein
If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.\n-- Marguerite Emmons
If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
If you can't read this, blame a teacher.
If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe?  The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.\n-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.\n-- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
"If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything."\n-- A. L.
Ignorance is never out of style.  It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.\n-- Franklin K. Dane
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many people so resolutely pursuing it.
Illiterate?  Write today, for free help!
Iowa State -- the high school after high school!\n-- Crow T. Robot
It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is.  If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.  It isn't our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.\n-- Oxford University Press, Edpress News
Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.\n-- Snoopy
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.\n-- Confucius
Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.\n-- Will Rogers
Most seminars have a happy ending.  Everyone's glad when they're over.
My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."\n-- Erich Maria Remarque
Never have so many understood so little about so much.\n-- James Burke
Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
No discipline is ever requisite to force attendance upon lectures which are really worth the attending.\n-- Adam Smith, "The Wealth of Nations"
No matter who you are, some scholar can show you the great idea you had was had by someone before you.
No wonder you're tired!  You understood so much today.
Normally our rules are rigid; we tend to discretion, if for no other reason than self-protection.  We never recommend any of our graduates, although we cheerfully provide information as to those who have failed their courses.\n-- Jack Vance, "Freitzke's Turn"
Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.\n-- Professor, EECS, George Washington University I'm looking forward to working with you on this next year. -- Professor, Harvard, on a  senior thesis.
"OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard."\n-- Dr. Joy
OK, so you're a Ph.D.  Just don't touch anything.
One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.\n-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
"Plaese porrf raed."\n-- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
Practice is the best of all instructors.\n-- Publilius
Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart.  Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco.  It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.\n-- Prof. J.H. Finley '25
Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem Eng. 130 midterm.  Once again a student did not receive a single point on his exam. Newell has now tossed 5 shutouts this quarter.  Newell's earned exam average has now dropped to a phenomenal 30%.
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
Reporter:   "How did you like school when you were growing up, Yogi?" Yogi Berra: "Closed."
Smartness runs in my family.  When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.\n-- George Burns
Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.\n-- Folk saying
"Speed is subsittute fo accurancy."
Spelling is a lossed art.
Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar without his duck ...
Teachers have class.
The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it.  Don't ever do this to my eyes again.\n-- Professor Ronald Brady, Philosophy, Ramapo State College
The alarm clock that is louder than God's own belongs to the roommate with the earliest class.
The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.\n-- J. Frank Dobie, "A Texan in England"
The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.\n-- Nelson Algren, "Writers at Work"
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.\n-- Robert M. Hutchins
The end of the world will occur at three p.m., this Friday, with symposium to follow.
The future is a race between education and catastrophe.\n-- H.G. Wells
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.\n-- Menander
The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.\n-- Andre Maurois (Emile Herzog)
The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.\n-- Hegel I know guys can't learn from yesterday ... Hegel must be taking the long view. -- John Brunner, "Stand on Zanzibar"
The problem with graduate students, in general, is that they have to sleep every few days.
The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.\n-- Alberto Moravia
The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.\n-- Christopher Morley
"The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and is an emerging underachiever."
The sum of the intelligence of the world is constant.  The population is, of course, growing.
The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.\n-- Ursula K. LeGuin, "The Dispossessed"
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.\n-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
The three best things about going to school are June, July, and August.
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
The world is coming to an end!  Repent and return those library books!
The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.\n-- E.B. White
There are no answers, only cross-references.\n-- Weiner
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.\n-- Winston Churchill
Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.\n-- Aristotle
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.\n-- Hector Berlioz
To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun.  To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.\n-- Epictetus
To craunch a marmoset.\n-- Pedro Carolino, "English as She is Spoke"
To teach is to learn twice.\n-- Joseph Joubert
To teach is to learn.
Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.\n-- Charles Schulz
Trying to get an education here is like trying to get a drink from a fire hose.
Universities are places of knowledge.  The freshman each bring a little in with them, and the seniors take none away, so knowledge accumulates.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.\n-- C. P. Snow
Walt:	Dad, what's gradual school? Garp:	Gradual school? Walt:	Yeah.  Mom says her work's more fun now that she's teaching\ngradual school. Garp:	Oh.  Well, gradual school is someplace you go and gradually\nfind out that you don't want to go to school anymore.\n-- The World According To Garp
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"\n-- Vroomfondel
We know next to nothing about virtually everything.  It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.\n-- George Will
We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did.  I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.\n-- Waldo D.R. Dobbs
What does education often do?  It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.\n-- Henry David Thoreau
What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?\n-- Erica Jong, "Fear of Flying"
What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.\n-- Raymond Aron, "The Opium of the Intellectuals"
What we do not understand we do not possess.\n-- Goethe
What's page one, a preemptive strike?\n-- Professor Freund, Communication, Ramapo State College
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.\n-- Woody Allen
Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."\n-- Dave Parnas
Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?\n-- Karl Kraus
"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.\n-- George Ade
You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.\n-- H.H. Munro
You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.\n-- J. D. Salinger
You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.\n-- Alfred Kahn
"You should, without hesitation, pound your typewriter into a plowshare, your paper into fertilizer, and enter agriculture"\n-- Business Professor, University of Georgia
Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
