A couple of kids tried using pickles instead of paddles for a Ping-Pong game.  They had the volley of the Dills.
A farm in the country side had several turkeys, it was known as the house of seven gobbles.
A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart that looks at her watch.\n-- James Beard
A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job.  He kept favoring curry.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.\n-- Ziggy
A wife started serving chopped meat, Monday hamburger, Tuesday meat loaf, Wednesday tartar steak, and Thursday meatballs.  On Friday morning her husband snarled, "How now, ground cow?"
Actor:	So what do you do for a living? Doris:	I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving\ndishes for Chinese restaurants.\n-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
Actually, my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.
"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son.\n"Diet."
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
As he had feared, his orders had been forgotten and everyone had brought the potato salad.
Be careful when you bite into your hamburger.\n-- Derek Bok
BOO!  We changed Coke again!  BLEAH!  BLEAH!
Boycott meat -- suck your thumb.
Carob works on the principle that, when mixed with the right combination of fats and sugar, it can duplicate chocolate in color and texture.  Of course, the same can be said of dirt.
Cheese -- milk's leap toward immortality.\n-- Clifton Fadiman, "Any Number Can Play"
Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
Death before dishonor.  But neither before breakfast.
Did you hear that Captain Crunch, Sugar Bear, Tony the Tiger, and Snap, Crackle and Pop were all murdered recently... Police suspect the work of a cereal killer!
Dieters live life in the fasting lane.
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
Do not drink coffee in early A.M.  It will keep you awake until noon.
Do not worry about which side your bread is buttered on: you eat BOTH sides.
During the American Revolution, a Britisher tried to raid a farm.  He stumbled across a rock on the ground and fell, whereupon an agressive Rhode Island Red hopped on top.  Seeing this, the farmer commented, "Chicken catch a Tory!"
Eat as much as you like -- just don't swallow it.\n-- Harry Secombe's diet
Eat drink and be merry!  Tommorrow you may be in Utah.
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.
Eat right, stay fit, and die anyway.
"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work."
Eating chocolate is like being in love without the aggravation.
Even a blind pig stumbles upon a few acorns.
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
Every time I lose weight, it finds me again!
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.\n-- Alexander Woollcott
Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying.\n-- Ingmar Bergman
Fat Liberation: because a waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Fat people of the world unite, we've got nothing to lose!
Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.\n-- Walt Kelly, "Potluck Pogo"
Fortune's Contribution of the Month to the Animal Rights Debate|I'll stay out of animals' way if they'll stay out of mine. "Hey you, get off my plate"\n-- Roger Midnight
God must have loved calories, she made so many of them.
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY (#7):  November 23, 1915 Pancake make-up is invented; most people continue to prefer syrup.
Has anyone ever tasted an "end"?  Are they really bitter?
Have a taco.\n-- P.S. Beagle
Home on the Range was originally written in beef-flat.
Hors d'oeuvres -- a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.\n-- Jack Benny
"How did you spend the weekend?" asked the pretty brunette secretary of her blonde companion.\n"Fishing through the ice," she replied.\n"Fishing through the ice?   Whatever for?"\n"Olives."
I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast with an option to buy.
I brake for chezlogs!
I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed.  Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really DO melt in your hand.\n-- Peter Oakley
I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial.  I don't like the idea of a frog jumping on my Breakfast.\n-- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
I don't care where I sit as long as I get fed.\n-- Calvin Trillin
I don't even butter my bread.  I consider that cooking.\n-- Katherine Cebrian
I don't have an eating problem.  I eat.  I get fat.  I buy new clothes. No problem.
"I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it."\n-- Clarence Darrow
I have never been one to sacrifice my appetite on the altar of appearance.\n-- A.M. Readyhough
I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race, in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals.\n-- Thoreau
I just ate a whole package of Sweet Tarts and a can of Coke. I think I saw God.\n-- B. Hathrume Duk
I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
I never pray before meals -- my mom's a good cook.
"I thought you were trying to get into shape."\n"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
I'm hungry, time to eat lunch.
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.\n-- Totie Fields
If at first you fricasee, fry, fry again.
If food be the music of love, eat up, eat up.
If puns were deli meat, this would be the wurst.
If you are what you eat, does that mean Euell Gibbons really was a nut?
If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds of a restaurant.\n-- Snoopy
If you see an onion ring -- answer it!
If you stew apples like cranberries, they taste more like prunes than rhubarb does.\n-- Groucho Marx
If you waste your time cooking, you'll miss the next meal.
If you're going to America, bring your own food.\n-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
If your bread is stale, make toast.
In Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait.\n-- Josi Simon
Is there life before breakfast?
It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears.\n-- Marcus Porcius Cato
IT MAKES ME MAD when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marineland says, "You can't throw that chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish." Sure they eat fish if that's all you give them!  Man, wise up.\n-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat.\n-- Robert Fuoss
It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
It's so beautifully arranged on the plate -- you know someone's fingers have been all over it.\n-- Julia Child on nouvelle cuisine.
Killing turkeys causes winter.
Kissing don't last, cookery do.\n-- George Meredith
Kitchen activity is highlighted.  Butter up a friend.
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.\n-- Tommy Cooper
Last week's pet, this week's special.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it.  You have to eat it nevertheless.\n-- Flaubert
"Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it."
Life is like a tin of sardines.  We're, all of us, looking for the key.\n-- Beyond the Fringe
Life is like an egg stain on your chin -- you can lick it, but it still won't go away.
Life is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.\n-- Carl Sandburg
Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it.\n-- James Huneker
Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.\n-- Storm Jameson
Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.\n-- Sanka Ad
Living here in Rio, I have lots of coffees to choose from.  And when you're on the lam like me, you appreciate a good cup of coffee.\n-- "Great Train Robber" Ronald Biggs' coffee commercial
Man who arrives at party two hours late will find he has been beaten to the punch.
Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market.\n-- E.W. Howe
Mountain Dew and doughnuts...  because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless there are three other people.\n-- Orson Welles
My favorite sandwich is peanut butter, baloney, cheddar cheese, lettuce and mayonnaise on toasted bread with catsup on the side.\n-- Senator Hubert Humphrey
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
Never drink coke in a moving elevator.  The elevator's motion coupled with the chemicals in coke produce hallucinations.  People tend to change into lizards and attack without warning, and large bats usually fly in the window.  Additionally, you begin to believe that elevators have windows.
Never eat anything bigger than your head.
Never eat more than you can lift.\n-- Miss Piggy
No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut.\n-- Channing Pollock
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.\n-- Charlie Brown
Pete:	Waiter, this meat is bad. Waiter:	Who told you? Pete:	A little swallow.
Peter's hungry, time to eat lunch.
Preserve wildlife -- pickle a squirrel today!
Prunes give you a run for your money.
Put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer.  Let it simmer.  Meanwhile, broil a good steak.  Eat the steak.  Let the chili simmer.  Ignore it.\n-- Recipe for chili from Allan Shrivers, former governor of Texas.
Put cats in the coffee and mice in the tea!
Remember, DESSERT is spelled with two `s's while DESERT is spelled with one, because EVERYONE wants two desserts, but NO ONE wants two deserts.\n-- Miss Oglethorp, Gr. 5, PS. 59
Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
Save gas, don't eat beans.
Seeing is deceiving.  It's eating that's believing.\n-- James Thurber
So much food; so little time!
Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.\n-- Thoreau
The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up at the steam fitters' picnic.
The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.\n-- John McNulty
THE DAILY PLANET\nSUPERMAN SAVES DESSERT!\nPlans to "Eat it later"
The early bird gets the coffee left over from the night before.
The men sat sipping their tea in silence.  After a while the klutz said,\n"Life is like a bowl of sour cream."\n"Like a bowl of sour cream?" asked the other.  "Why?"\n"How should I know?  What am I, a philosopher?"
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers.  The original meal has never been found.\n-- Calvin Trillin
"The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert."\n-- D. Letterman
The number of feet in a yard is directly proportional to the success of the barbecue.
The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.
The only thing better than love is milk.
The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose", which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel," which is what it tastes like.\n-- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"
The scene: in a vast, painted desert, a cowboy faces his horse. Cowboy:	"Well, you've been a pretty good hoss, I guess.  Hardworkin'.\nNot the fastest critter I ever come acrost, but..." Horse:  "No, stupid, not feed*back*.  I said I wanted a feed*bag*.
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.\n-- George Miller
The way to a man's stomach is through his esophagus.
There are times when truth is stranger than fiction and lunch time is one of them.
There are twenty-five people left in the world, and twenty-seven of them are hamburgers.\n-- Ed Sanders
There is more simplicity in the man who eats caviar on impulse than in the man who eats Grape-Nuts on principle.\n-- G.K. Chesterton
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.\n-- George Bernard Shaw
There's always free cheese in a mousetrap.
There's nothing like the face of a kid eating a Hershey bar.
Thirteen at a table is unlucky only when the hostess has only twelve chops.\n-- Groucho Marx
This is Betty Frenel.  I don't know who to call but I can't reach my Food-a-holics partner.  I'm at Vido's on my second pizza with sausage and mushroom.  Jim, come and get me!
This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
Tom's hungry, time to eat lunch.
Two peanuts were walking through the New York.  One was assaulted.
Vegetables are what food eats. Fruit are vegetables that fool you by tasting good. Fish are fast moving vegetables. Mushrooms are what grows on vegetables when food's done with them.\n-- Meat Eater's Credo, according to Jim Williams
Vegetarians beware!  You are what you eat.
Waiter:	"Tea or coffee, gentlemen?" 1st customer: "I'll have tea." 2nd customer: "Me, too -- and be sure the glass is clean!"\n(Waiter exits, returns) Waiter: "Two teas.  Which one asked for the clean glass?"
Wake up and smell the coffee.\n-- Ann Landers
What foods these morsels be!
What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.\n-- Titus Lucretius Carus
What is important is food, money and opportunities for scoring off one's enemies.  Give a man these three things and you won't hear much squawking out of him.\n-- Brian O'Nolan, "The Best of Myles"
When a person goes on a diet, the first thing he loses is his temper.
When all else fails, EAT!!!
When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.\n-- Ignatius Reilly
When you're dining out and you suspect something's wrong, you're probably right.
Where do you go to get anorexia?\n-- Shelley Winters
While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.\n-- Edward Stevenson
Whoever tells a lie cannot be pure in heart -- and only the pure in heart can make a good soup.\n-- Ludwig Van Beethoven
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic?  It's quite uncanny.
Why do they call a fast a fast, when it goes so slow?
Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles.\n-- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
You first parents of the human race... who ruined yourself for an apple, what might you have done for a truffled turkey?\n-- Brillat-savarin, "Physiologie du Gout"
You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.\n-- S. Rickly Christian
You know you're a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.\n-- Cyrus, Chicago Reader 1/22/82
You must dine in our cafeteria.  You can eat dirt cheap there!!!!
Your mind is the part of you that says,\n"Why'n'tcha eat that piece of cake?" ... and then, twenty minutes later, says,\n"Y'know, if I were you, I wouldn't have done that!"\n-- Steven and Ondrea Levine
