I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.\n-- Leo Kessler
Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.\n-- Joseph C. Goulden
If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.\n-- Charles Darling, "Scintillae Juris, 1877
"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."\n-- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.\n-- Tom Wicker
If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.\n-- Michael Levin, "The Socratic Method
In Blythe, California, a city ordinance declares that a person must own at least two cows before he can wear cowboy boots in public.
In Boston, it is illegal to hold frog-jumping contests in nightclubs.
In Columbia, Pennsylvania, it is against the law for a pilot to tickle a female flying student under her chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention.
In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.
In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
In Lowes Crossroads, Delaware, it is a violation of local law for any pilot or passenger to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket while either flying or waiting to board a plane.
In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.
In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
In West Union, Ohio, No married man can go flying without his spouse along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months.
It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide.  A question of interest, my dear Sir!  The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.\n-- Edmond About
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong.  Our offense consists in doubting it.\n-- Justice Robert H. Jackson
It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.\n-- Local ordinance, Euclid Ohio
It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.\n-- P.G. Wodehouse, "Louder and Funnier"
Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
Know how to save 5 drowning lawyers?\n-- No? GOOD!
Laws are like sausages.  It's better not to see them being made.\n-- Otto von Bismarck
Legislation proposed in the Illinois State Legislature, May, 1907|"Speed upon county roads will be limited to ten miles an hour unless the motorist sees a bailiff who does not appear to have had a drink in 30 days, when the driver will be permitted to make what he can."
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and legally ... impeccable!
Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited in Halstead, Kansas.
Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.\n-- Lenny Bruce
Men often believe -- or pretend -- that the "Law" is something sacred, or at least a science -- an unfounded assumption very convenient to governments.
Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.  There might be a law against it by that time.
NEVER swerve to hit a lawyer riding a bicycle -- it might be your bicycle.
New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
Pittsburgh Driver's Test (8) Pedestrians are\n(a) irrelevant.\n(b) communists.\n(c) a nuisance.\n(d) difficult to clean off the front grille. The correct answer is (a).  Pedestrians are not in cars, so they are totally irrelevant to driving; you should ignore them completely.
She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.\n-- Tommy Manville
Sho' they got to have it against the law.  Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens.  Hee-hee.\n-- Terry Southern
Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.\n-- Woody Allen
Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.\n-- Montesquieu
Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
The animals are not as stupid as one thinks -- they have neither doctors nor lawyers.\n-- L. Docquier
The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
The City of Palo Alto, in its official description of parking lot standards, specifies the grade of wheelchair access ramps in terms of centimeters of rise per foot of run.  A compromise, I imagine...
The difference between a lawyer and a rooster is that the rooster gets up in the morning and clucks defiance.
The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
The judge fined the jaywalker fifty dollars and told him if he was caught again, he would be thrown in jail.  Fine today, cooler tomorrow.
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.\n-- Anatole France
The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.  He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him.  But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.\n-- H.G. Wells
The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.\n-- H. L. Mencken
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.\n-- U.S. Constitution, Amendment 10. (Bill of Rights)
The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.\n-- Jean Giraudoux, "Tiger at the Gates"
There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest.  For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'\n-- Michael Lara
"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial|both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."\n-- David Letterman
There's no justice in this world.\n-- Frank Costello, on the prosecution of "Lucky" Luciano by New York district attorney Thomas Dewey after Luciano had saved Dewey from assassination by Dutch Schultz (by ordering the assassination of Schultz instead)
Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the yard.
Welcome to Utah. If you think our liquor laws are funny, you should see our underwear!
What do you have when you have six lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.\n-- Christopher Morley
Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?\n-- Carl Sandburg
Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have more lawyers? New Jersey had first choice.
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.\n-- Will Rogers
