A woman physician has made the statement that smoking is neither physically defective nor morally degrading, and that nicotine, even when indulged to in excess, is less harmful than excessive petting."\n-- Purdue Exponent, Jan 16, 1925
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.  He said, "No hablo ingles."\n-- Ronnie Shakes
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.\n-- Samuel Goldwyn
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
Cure the disease and kill the patient.\n-- Francis Bacon
Death has been proven to be 99% fatal in laboratory rats.
Dental health is next to mental health.
Ever notice that the word "therapist" breaks down into "the rapist"? Simple coincidence? Maybe...
God is dead and I don't feel all too well either....\n-- Ralph Moonen
"Good health" is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.\n-- Ingrid Bergman
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.\n-- Redd Foxx
His ideas of first-aid stopped short of squirting soda water.\n-- P.G. Wodehouse
I get my exercise acting as pallbearer to my friends who exercise.\n-- Chauncey Depew
I got the bill for my surgery.  Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.\n-- James Boren
"I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."\n"Did you ever see a doctor?"\n"No, just spots."
If a person (a) is poorly, (b) receives treatment intended to make him better, and (c) gets better, then no power of reasoning known to medical science can convince him that it may not have been the treatment that restored his health.\n-- Sir Peter Medawar, "The Art of the Soluble"
If you look like your driver's license photo -- see a doctor. If you look like your passport photo -- it's too late for a doctor.
It is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist. It produces a false impression.\n-- Oscar Wilde.
It's no longer a question of staying healthy.  It's a question of finding a sickness you like.\n-- Jackie Mason
It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's what you're taking for it...
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Laetrile is the pits.
My doctorate's in Literature, but it seems like a pretty good pulse to me.
Neurotics build castles in the sky, Psychotics live in them, And psychiatrists collect the rent.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.\n-- Erma Bombeck
New England Life, of course.  Why do you ask?
Paralysis through analysis.
Proper treatment will cure a cold in seven days, but left to itself, a cold will hang on for a week.\n-- Darrell Huff
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.\n-- Laurence J. Peter, "Peter's Principles"
Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself a therapy.\n-- Karl Kraus
Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.\n-- C.G. Jung
Psychology.  Mind over matter.  Mind under matter?  It doesn't matter. Never mind.
Pushing 30 is exercise enough.
Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
Quit worrying about your health.  It'll go away.\n-- Robert Orben
Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.
Some people need a good imaginary cure for their painful imaginary ailment.
Sometimes the best medicine is to stop taking something.
Straw?  No, too stupid a fad.  I put soot on warts.
The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
"... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ..."\n-- Dave Barry
"The molars, I'm sure, will be all right, the molars can take care of themselves," the old man said, no longer to me.  "But what will become of the bicuspids?"\n-- The Old Man and his Bridge
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
The real reason psychology is hard is that psychologists are trying to do the impossible.
The reason they're called wisdom teeth is that the experience makes you wise.
The secret of healthy hitchhiking is to eat junk food.
The trouble with heart disease is that the first symptom is often hard to deal with: death.\n-- Michael Phelps
When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it can't be cured.\n-- Anton Chekhov, "The Cherry Orchard"
