She has an alarm clock and a phone that don't ring -- they applaud.
She's genuinely bogus.
"Sheriff, we gotta catch Black Bart."\n"Oh, yeah?  What's he look like?"\n"Well, he's wearin' a paper hat, a paper shirt, paper pants and paper boots."\n"What's he wanted for?"\n"Rustling."
Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.
Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.\n-- Thomas Carlyle
Silence is the only virtue you have left.
Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
Sleep is for the weak and sickly.
Smear the road with a runner!!
Solipsists of the World... you are already united.\n-- Kayvan Sylvan
Some changes are so slow, you don't notice them.  Others are so fast, they don't notice you.
Some parts of the past must be preserved, and some of the future prevented at all costs.
Some people live life in the fast lane.  You're in oncoming traffic.
Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.\n-- Evan Davis
Someday you'll get your big chance -- or have you already had it?
Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.\n-- Mister Boffo
Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.\n-- Ashleigh Brilliant
Somehow, the world always affects you more than you affect it.
Sometimes, too long is too long.\n-- Joe Crowe
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.\n-- Carl Sagan
Sooner or later you must pay for your sins. (Those who have already paid may disregard this cookie).
Sorry.  I forget what I was going to say.
Sorry.  Nice try.
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
Stamp out philately.
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
Stop me, before I kill again!
Support the Girl Scouts!\n(Today's Brownie is tomorrow's Cookie!)
Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
Take what you can use and let the rest go by.\n-- Ken Kesey
Tempt me with a spoon!
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
That's odd.  That's very odd.  Wouldn't you say that's very odd?
That's what she said.
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.\n-- Clifton Fadiman
The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.\n-- Herbert von Fritzlar
The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.\n-- H.D. Thoreau
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
The difference between this place and yogurt is that yogurt has a live culture.
The eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine.
The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.\n-- Anne Boleyn
The fact that it works is immaterial.\n-- L. Ogborn
... the flaw that makes perfection perfect.
The future isn't what it used to be.  (It never was.)
The future lies ahead.
The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.\n-- George Meredith
The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its message and then disappears.
The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow.
The important thing to remember about walking on eggs is not to hop.
"The jig's up, Elman."\n"Which jig?"\n-- Jeff Elman
The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
The last person who said that (God rest his soul) lived to regret it.
The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
The Martian Canals were clearly the Martian's last ditch effort!
The mosquito exists to keep the mighty humble.
The most important things, each person must do for himself.
The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
The past always looks better than it was.  It's only pleasant because it isn't here.\n-- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.\n-- Wittgenstein.
The pollution's at that awkward stage.  Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.\n-- Doug Sneyd
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.\n-- Glaser and Way
The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is cursed.
The rose of yore is but a name, mere names are left to us.
The sheep died in the wool.
The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
The shortest distance between any two puns is a straight line.
The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick.\n[so say said sentence sextuply...]
The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.\n-- Judge Harold T. Stone
The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.\n-- Hosea Ballou
The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.\n-- Wavy Gravy
The whole world is a scab.  The point is to pick it constructively.\n-- Peter Beard
The world really isn't any worse.  It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
The world wants to be deceived.\n-- Sebastian Brant
The worst part of valor is indiscretion.
Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.\n-- Thea Alexander, "2150 A.D."
There are no rules for March.  March is spring, sort of, usually, March means maybe, but don't bet on it.
There are three things I always forget.  Names, faces -- the third I can't remember.\n-- Italo Svevo
There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.\n-- Lord Thomas Rober Dewar
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.\n-- Walt Disney
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
There is always something new out of Africa.\n-- Gaius Plinius Secundus
There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.
There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.\n-- Marie Antoinette
There seems no plan because it is all plan.\n-- C.S. Lewis
There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse.
There's nothing very mysterious about you, except that nobody really knows your origin, purpose, or destination.
They finally got King Midas, I hear.  Gild by association.
They just buzzed and buzzed...buzzed.
Think big.  Pollute the Mississippi.
Think honk if you're a telepath.
Think sideways!\n-- Ed De Bono
This is NOT a repeat.
This is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.  And now you know why.
This must be morning.  I never could get the hang of mornings.
This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.\n-- Douglas Hofstadter
This sentence does in fact not have the property it claims not to have.
This sentence no verb.
Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.\n-- A.E. Houseman
Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.\n-- Jean-Paul Sartre
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.\n-- Henry David Thoreau
Time will end all my troubles, but I don't always approve of Time's methods.
Tis man's perdition to be safe, when for the truth he ought to die.
To generalize is to be an idiot.\n-- William Blake
To love is good, love being difficult.
To see you is to sympathize.
"To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?"
Topologists are just plane folks.\nPilots are just plane folks.\nCarpenters are just plane folks.\nMidwest farmers are just plain folks.\nMusicians are just playin' folks.\nWhodunit readers are just Spillane folks. Some Londoners are just P. Lane folks.
Trouble always comes at the wrong time.
Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it's the start of a brand new series of three.
True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.\n-- David Mamet
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
Use a pun, go to jail.
Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.\n-- Pericles
Wanna buy a duck?
Wasting time is an important part of living.
We have ears, earther...FOUR OF THEM!
We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.\n-- Carl Sagan
We must die because we have known them.\n-- Ptah-hotep, 2000 B.C.
We'll cross that bridge when we come back to it later.
Welcome to the Zoo!
Well thaaaaaaat's okay.
Well, the handwriting is on the floor.\n-- Joe E. Lewis
Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.\n-- Eddie Cochran, "Come On Everybody"
What causes the mysterious death of everyone?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
"What did you do when the ship sank?"\n"I grabbed a cake of soap and washed myself ashore."
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
What excuses stand in your way?  How can you eliminate them?\n-- Roger von Oech
What happens when you cut back the jungle?  It recedes.
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
What soon grows old?  Gratitude.\n-- Aristotle
"What time is it?"\n"I don't know, it keeps changing."
What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.\n-- Wittgenstein
What will you do if all your problems aren't solved by the time you die?
What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.\n-- Robert Frost [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to AST's.]
What!?  Me worry?\n-- Alfred E. Newman
What's all this brouhaha?
What's so funny?
"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"\n-- The Doctor
Whatever became of eternal truth?
When a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far!
When a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?
When does later become never?
When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.\n-- Gen. C. Abrams
When pleasure remains, does it remain a pleasure?
When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.\n-- Billy Sunday
When things go well, expect something to explode, erode, collapse or just disappear.
When you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal.
When you're down and out, lift up your voice and shout, "I'M DOWN AND OUT"!
When you're ready to give up the struggle, who can you surrender to?
When your memory goes, forget it!
Where am I?  Who am I?  Am I?  I
Where will it all end?  Probably somewhere near where it all began.
Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.\n-- Wittgenstein
Which is worse: ignorance or apathy?  Who knows?  Who cares?
Whip it, whip it good!
Who are you?
Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?\n-- Hattie McDaniel
Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
Who will take care of the world after you're gone?
Why are you so hard to ignore?
Why do seagulls live near the sea?  'Cause if they lived near the bay, they'd be called baygulls.
Why does a ship carry cargo and a truck carry shipments?
Why is it called a funny bone when it hurts so much?
Why is it taking so long for her to bring out all the good in you?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?\n-- Lily Tomlin
Why not go out on a limb?  Isn't that where the fruit is?
Why would anyone want to be called "Later"?
Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.\n-- Alfred North Whitehead
Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.\n-- Alfieri
Would you care to drift aimlessly in my direction?
Would you care to view the ruins of my good intentions?
WRONG!
You auto buy now.
You can cage a swallow, can't you,\nbut you can't swallow a cage, can you? Girl, bathing on Bikini, eyeing boy,\nfinds boy eyeing bikini on bathing girl. A man, a plan, a canal -- Panama!\n-- The Palindromist
You can get there from here, but why on earth would you want to?
Zeus gave Leda the bird.
Well, I think we should get some bricks and some bats, and show him the *true* meaning of Christmas!'\n-- Bernice, "Designing Women", 12/2/91.
I used to have nightmares that the Grinch's dog would kidnap me and make me dress up in a halter-top and hot pants and listen to Burl Ives records.\n-- Robin, "Anything But Love", 12/18/91.
[ ] Safeguard this message - it is an important historical document. [ ] Delete after reading -- Subversive Literature. [ ] Ignore and go back to what you were doing.
Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?\n-- Socrates' last words
