Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.\n-- Lily Tomlin
Sometimes when you look into his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.\n-- David Letterman
Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.\n-- Dave Millman
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.\n-- W.C. Fields
Start the day with a smile.  After that you can be your nasty old self again.
Stay together, drag each other down.
Still looking for the glorious results of my misspent youth.  Say, do you have a map to the next joint?
Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
Stupidity is its own reward.
Style may not be the answer, but at least it's a workable alternative.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Success is a journey, not a destination.
Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
Success is in the minds of Fools.\n-- William Wrenshaw, 1578
Success is relative: It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.\n-- T.S. Eliot, "The Family Reunion"
Succumb to natural tendencies.  Be hateful and boring.
Such a fine first dream! But they laughed at me; they said I had made it up.
Suicide is simply a case of mistaken identity.
Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.\n-- Donald Kaul
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
Surly to bed, surly to rise, makes you about average.
Tact in audacity is knowing how far you can go without going too far.\n-- Jean Cocteau
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
Take a lesson from the whale; the only time he gets speared is when he raises to spout.
Talk is cheap because supply always exceeds demand.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.\n-- Euripides
Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.\n-- Friedrich Nietzsche
Tart words make no friends; a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.\n-- B. Franklin
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
Tell me what to think!!!
Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is generally promoting a falsehood, isn't it?\n-- A. Hope
"That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver"\n-- Foghorn Leghorn
That must be wonderful: I don't understand it at all.\n-- Moliere
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
That's always the way when you discover something new; everyone thinks you're crazy.\n-- Evelyn E. Smith
The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being but to remind him that he is already degraded.\n-- George Orwell
The angry man always thinks he can do more than he can.\n-- Albertano of Brescia
The average nutritional value of promises is roughly zero.
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just terrible.\n-- Jean Kerr
The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.\n-- Blair
The best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.\n-- Wordsworth
The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side by side to our common doom.\n-- Clarence Darrow
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred.
The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
The brotherhood of man is not a mere poet's dream; it is a most depressing and humiliating reality.\n-- Oscar Wilde
The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
The difference between common-sense and paranoia is that common-sense is thinking everyone is out to get you.  That's normal -- they are.  Paranoia is thinking that they're conspiring.\n-- J. Kegler
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
The difference between sentiment and being sentimental is the following|Sentiment is when a driver swerves out of the way to avoid hitting a rabbit on the road.  Being sentimental is when the same driver, when swerving away from the rabbit hits a pedestrian.\n-- Frank Herbert, "The White Plague"
The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
The distinction between true and false appears to become increasingly blurred by... the pollution of the language.\n-- Arne Tiselius
The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.\n-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The forest is safe because a lion lives therein and the lion is safe because it lives in a forest.  Likewise the friendship of persons rests on mutual help.\n-- Laukikanyay.
The full potentialities of human fury cannot be reached until a friend of both parties tactfully interferes.\n-- G.K. Chesterton
The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move.\n-- Frank Crane
The great merit of society is to make one appreciate solitude.\n-- Charles Chincholles, "Reflections on the Art of Life"
The great secret in life ... [is] not to open your letters for a fortnight. At the expiration of that period you will find that nearly all of them have answered themselves.\n-- Arthur Binstead
The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put a lot of relatives on the train for home.
The hatred of relatives is the most violent.\n-- Tacitus (c.55 - c.117)
... the heat come 'round and busted me for smiling on a cloudy day.
The help people need most urgently is help in admitting that they need help.
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein -- it rejects it.\n-- P. Medawar
The human race never solves any of its problems.  It merely outlives them.\n-- David Gerrold
The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.\n-- Quintus Ennius
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
The kind of danger people most enjoy is the kind they can watch from a safe place.
The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence makes innocence unattainable.\n-- Irving Howe
The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.\n-- Fred Allen
The Lord prefers common-looking people.  That is the reason that He makes so many of them.\n-- Abraham Lincoln
The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.\n-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The major advances in civilization are processes that all but wreck the societies in which they occur.\n-- A.N. Whitehead
The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.\n-- H.G. Wells, "Time After Time"
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.\n-- Carl Jung
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same being who produces the impressions.\n-- Marquis D.A.F. de Sade
The more I know men the more I like my horse.
The more I see of men the more I admire dogs.\n-- Mme De Sevigne, 1626-1696
The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
The most disagreeable thing that your worst enemy says to your face does not approach what your best friends say behind your back.\n-- Alfred De Musset
The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.\n-- Lucille S. Harper
The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million.
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.\n-- H.L. Mencken
The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.\n-- Oscar Wilde
The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.  It is never any use to oneself.\n-- Oscar Wilde
The only two things that motivate me and that matter to me are revenge and guilt.\n-- Elvis Costello
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.\n-- Oscar Wilde
The opposite of talking isn't listening.  The opposite of talking is waiting.\n-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
The part of the world that people find most puzzling is the part called "Me".
The people sensible enough to give good advice are usually sensible enough to give none.
The point is, you see, that there is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad.  You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later.
... the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in charity we can only call "inhuman."\n-- R. A. Lafferty
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.\n-- Elizabeth Taylor
The propriety of some persons seems to consist in having improper thoughts about their neighbours.\n-- F.H. Bradley
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.  Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.\n-- George Bernard Shaw
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.  This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
"The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography"
The second best policy is dishonesty.
The secret of happiness is total disregard of everybody.
The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.\n-- Marcus Tullius Cicero
The strong give up and move away, while the weak give up and stay.
The sudden sight of me causes panic in the streets. They have yet to learn\n-- only the savage fears what he does not understand. -- The Silver Surfer
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.\n-- Nietzsche
The things that interest people most are usually none of their business.
The three questions of greatest concern are -- 1. Is it attractive? 2. Is it amusing?  3. Does it know its place?\n-- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life"
The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.\n-- Sid Caesar
The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.\n-- Andre Malraux
The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.\n-- Miguel de Cervantes
The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones.\n-- Nathaniel Howe
The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward.
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
The wise man seeks everything in himself; the ignorant man tries to get everything from somebody else.
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
The wonderful thing about a dancing bear is not how well he dances, but that he dances at all.
The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.\n-- E.B. White
The world needs more people like us and fewer like them.
The worst cliques are those which consist of one man.\n-- G.B. Shaw
The worst is not so long as we can say "This is the worst."\n-- King Lear
The worst part of having success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.\n-- Bette Midler
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity.\n-- G.B. Shaw
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.\n-- William Butler Yeats
The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized -- and never knowing.\n-- David Viscott
There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot endure to be thought so.
There are many people today who literally do not have a close personal friend.  They may know something that we don't.  They are probably avoiding a great deal of pain.
There are more dead people than living, and their numbers are increasing.\n-- Eugene Ionesco
There are no emotional victims, only volunteers.
There are no great men, buster.  There are only men.\n-- Elaine Stewart, "The Bad and the Beautiful"
There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced by circumstances to meet.\n-- Admiral William Halsey
There are only two kinds of men -- the dead and the deadly.\n-- Helen Rowland
There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.\n-- Josh Billings
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad.  The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.\n-- Woody Allen
There comes a time to stop being angry.\n-- A Small Circle of Friends
There is a certain frame of mind to which a cemetery is, if not an antidote, at least an alleviation.  If you are in a fit of the blues, go nowhere else.\n--Robert Louis Stevenson: Immortelles
There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has not yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day.\n-- Friedrich Nietzsche
There is brutality and there is honesty.  There is no such thing as brutal honesty.
There is no delight the equal of dread.  As long as it is somebody else's.\n--Clive Barker
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.
There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
There is no such thing as inner peace.  There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behaviour.\n-- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life"
There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh.\n-- Gaius Valerius Catullus
There is nothing stranger in a strange land than the stranger who comes to visit.
There is only one word for aid that is genuinely without strings, and that word is blackmail.\n-- Colm Brogan
There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not.\n-- Robert Benchley
There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.  Too bad it's not a fence.
There's a lot to be said for not saying a lot.
There's no saint like a reformed sinner.
There's no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
Therefore it is necessary to learn how not to be good, and to use this knowledge and not use it, according to the necessity of the cause.\n-- Machiavelli
They also serve who only stand and wait.\n-- John Milton
They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.\n-- Francis Bacon
"They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!"
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
"They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.  They'd be difficult to like."\n-- Avon
Thinking you know something is a sure way to blind yourself.\n-- Frank Herbert, "Chapterhouse: Dune"
This generation doesn't have emotional baggage.  We have emotional moving vans.\n-- Bruce Feirstein
This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's side.  I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them.  Humoring them costs nothing and adds happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.\n-- Lazarus Long
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.
Those who are mentally and emotionally healthy are those who have learned when to say yes, when to say no and when to say whoopee.\n-- W.S. Krabill
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.\n-- George Santayana
Those who don't know, talk.  Those who don't talk, know.
Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
To any truly impartial person, it would be obvious that I am always right.
To be great is to be misunderstood.\n-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To be is to be related.\n-- C.J. Keyser.
To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
To be who one is, is not to be someone else.
To be wise, the only thing you really need to know is when to say "I don't know."
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men -- that is genius.\n-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent.
To find a friend one must close one eye; to keep him -- two.\n-- Norman Douglas
To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
To make an enemy, do someone a favor.
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.\n-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"
To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to do.
Too clever is dumb.\n-- Ogden Nash
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.\n-- Henrik Tikkanen
Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.\n-- Alan Watts
Uh-oh -- I've let the cat out of the bag.  Let me, then, straightforwardly state the thesis I shall now elaborate: Making variations on a theme is really the crux of creativity.\n-- Douglas R. Hofstadter, "Metamagical Themas"
Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.\n-- e.e. cummings
