I have always noticed that whenever a radical takes to Imperialism, he catches it in a very acute form.\n-- Winston Churchill, 1903
I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.\n-- Camillo Di Cavour
I have gained this by philosophy|that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law.\n-- Aristotle
I have never understood this liking for war.  It panders to instincts already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic establishment.\n-- Alan Bennett
I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...\n-- Thomas Jefferson
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.\n-- Albert Einstein
I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments.  Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.\n-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.\n-- Will Rogers
I needed the good will of the legislature of four states.  I formed the legislative bodies with my own money.  I found that it was cheaper that way.\n-- Jay Gould
I never deny, I never contradict.  I sometimes forget.\n-- Benjamin Disraeli, British PM, on dealing with the Royal Family
I never vote for anyone.  I always vote against.\n-- W.C. Fields
I owe the government $3400 in taxes.  So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.\n-- Michael McShane
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.\n-- Francis Bellamy, 1892
I prefer the most unjust peace to the most righteous war.\n-- Cicero Even peace may be purchased at too high a price. -- Poor Richard
I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes.  I hope they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.\n-- The Best of Will Rogers
I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to the south.  We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.\n-- The Best of Will Rogers
I steal.\n-- Sam Giancana, explaining his livelihood to his draft board Easy.  I own Chicago.  I own Miami.  I own Las Vegas. -- Sam Giancana, when asked what he did for a living
I think the world is run by C students.\n-- Al McGuire
I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.\n-- J.P. Morgan on Teddy Roosevelt's safari
I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.\n-- Bill Veeck
I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.\n-- Judge Harold T. Stone
I use not only all the brains I have, but all those I can borrow as well.\n-- Woodrow Wilson
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.\n-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life.  I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career of a robber.\n-- Tiburcio Vasquez
I wish a robot would get elected president.  That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.\n-- Jack Handley
I would like the government to do all it can to mitigate, then, in understanding, in mutuality of interest, in concern for the common good, our tasks will be solved.\n-- Warren G. Harding
I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies.\n-- William F. Buckley
I would much rather have men ask why I have no statue, than why I have one.\n-- Marcus Procius Cato
I would rather be a serf in a poor man's house and be above ground than reign among the dead.\n-- Achilles, "The Odessey", XI, 489-91
I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.\n-- Joseph Heller
"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry Me Back To Old Virginia, I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun."\n-- Hawkeye, M*A*S*H
"I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood."\n-- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House.  President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.\n-- Bob Hope
"I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'M NOT GOING!"
I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is\n-- I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey
"I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives."
I've always considered statesmen to be more expendable than soldiers.
If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will lose that, too.\n-- W. Somerset Maugham
If built in great numbers, motels will be used for nothing but illegal purposes.\n-- J. Edgar Hoover
If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a deal faster.\n-- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.\n-- Bertrand Russell
If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.
If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.\n-- Jerry Dreshfield
If Karl, instead of writing a lot about Capital, had made a lot of Capital, it would have been much better.\n-- Karl Marx's Mother
If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.
If people have to choose between freedom and sandwiches, they will take sandwiches.\n-- Lord Boyd-orr Eats first, morals after. -- Bertolt Brecht, "The Threepenny Opera"
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom.\n-- Robert Frost
If the government doesn't trust the people, why doesn't it dissolve them and elect a new people?
"If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!"\n-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
If the rich could pay the poor to die for them, what a living the poor could make!
If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie.\n-- Attorney General William Saxbe
If voting could change the system, it would be illegal.  If not voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
If we all work together, we can totally disrupt the system.
If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.\n-- R. Schaeberle, "Management Accounting"
If we suffer tamely a lawless attack upon our liberty, we encourage it, and involve others in our doom.\n-- Samuel Adams
If we won't stand together, we don't stand a chance.
If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.\n-- Andrew Carnegie, on public speaking
"If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to have to get a toehold in the public eye."
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it.\n-- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.\n-- Winston Churchill
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.\n-- Graham Summer
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.\n-- The Best of Will Rogers
If you took all of the grains of sand in the world, and lined them up end to end in a row, you'd be working for the government!\n-- Mr. Interesting
If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means.\n-- Walt Kelly, "The Pogo Party"
If your hands are clean and your cause is just and your demands are reasonable, at least it's a start.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.\n-- Robert Orben Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
Imbalance of power corrupts and monopoly of power corrupts absolutely.\n-- Genji
Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.\n-- Jack Paar
In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes.\n-- Adlai Stevenson
In an orderly world, there's always a place for the disorderly.
In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools will be temporarily canceled.
In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.\n-- W. Churchill, on General Montgomery
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel.  With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.\n-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
In fiction the recourse of the powerless is murder; in life the recourse of the powerless is petty theft.
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.\n-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
In Pierre Trudeau, Canada has finally produced a Prime Minister worthy of assassination.\n-- John Diefenbaker
In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.\n-- Lenny Bruce
In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice.\n-- Winston Churchill
In war it is not men, but the man who counts.\n-- Napoleon
In war, truth is the first casualty.\n-- U Thant
... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat.  It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.\n-- Stephen Crane
Individualists unite!
Indomitable in retreat; invincible in advance; insufferable in victory.\n-- Winston Churchill, on General Montgomery
Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
Inheritance taxes are getting so out of line, that the deceased family often doesn't have a legacy to stand on.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.\n-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Interesting poll results reported in today's New York Post: people on the street in midtown Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the US invasion of Grenada.  Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no; and 8 percent said "Gimme a quarter?"\n-- David Letterman
Interfere?  Of course we should interfere!  Always do what you're best at, that's what I say.\n-- Doctor Who
It got to the point where I had to get a haircut or both feet firmly planted in the air.
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
It is better to wear chains than to believe you are free, and weight yourself down with invisible chains.
It is difficult to legislate morality in the absence of moral legislators.
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.\n-- Alfred Adler
It is enough to make one sympathize with a tyrant for the determination of his courtiers to deceive him for their own personal ends...\n-- Russell Baker and Charles Peters
It is impossible to defend perfectly against the attack of those who want to die.
It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will have a high-level meeting.\n-- Rev. Carl McIntire, on Nixon's China trip
It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.\n-- George Bernard Shaw
It is now 10 p.m.  Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?\n-- Elizabeth Carpenter
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations.  They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away."\n-- Abraham Lincoln
It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion.  And usually easier.\n-- Lazarus Long
It pays in England to be a revolutionary and a bible-smacker most of one's life and then come round.\n-- Lord Alfred Douglas
It seems a little silly now, but this country was founded as a protest against taxation.
It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country.  The Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything.  They had no vital lies."\n-- Edith Hamilton, "The Greek Way"
It was the Law of the Sea, they said.  Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.\n-- Hunter S. Thompson
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.\n-- Harry S. Truman
"It's a summons."\n"What's a summons?"\n"It means summon's in trouble."\n-- Rocky and Bullwinkle
It's getting uncommonly easy to kill people in large numbers, and the first thing a principle does -- if it really is a principle -- is to kill somebody.\n-- Dorothy L. Sayers, "Gaudy Night"
It's important that people know what you stand for. It's more important that they know what you won't stand for.
It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.\n-- George Burns
It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon.  Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.\n-- Franklin P. Jones
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country.  It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle.  The first person to do anything loses.
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting, exciting people, and kill them.
Join the Navy; sail to far-off exotic lands, meet exciting interesting people, and kill them.
Keep your laws off my body!
Know thyself.  If you need help, call the C.I.A.
L'etat c'est moi.\n[I am the state.]\n-- Louis XIV
Law stands mute in the midst of arms.\n-- Marcus Tullius Cicero
Lawful Dungeon Master -- and they're MY laws!
Leadership involves finding a parade and getting in front of it; what is happening in America is that those parades are getting smaller and smaller -- and there are many more of them.\n-- John Naisbitt, "Megatrends"
Let no guilty man escape.\n-- U.S. Grant
Let the people think they govern and they will be governed.\n-- William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania
Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.\n-- John F. Kennedy
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.\n-- The Best of Will Rogers
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.\n-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
Life is a concentration camp.  You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.\n-- Woody Allen
Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won't.
Love America -- or give it back.
"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts."\n-- Winston Churchill
Majorities, of course, start with minorities.\n-- Robert Moses
Man is a military animal, glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.\n-- P.J. Bailey
Man is by nature a political animal.\n-- Aristotle
Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.\n-- George M. Cohan
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
Message will arrive in the mail.  Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.\n-- Groucho Marx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.\n-- Groucho Marx
Most people want either less corruption or more of a chance to participate in it.
"My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think of saying, except in a desperate case.  It is like saying "My mother, drunk or sober."\n-- G.K. Chesterton, "The Defendant"
My experience with government is when things are non-controversial, beautifully co-ordinated and all the rest, it must be that not much is going on.\n-- J.F. Kennedy
My father was a saint, I'm not.\n-- Indira Gandhi
My folks didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.
NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe?  Everything he\nsays is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says\nwill be right.\n-- G. B. Shaw, "The Man of Destiny"
National security is in your hands - guard it well.
Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.\n-- William Pitt, 1783
Neglect of duty does not cease, by repetition, to be neglect of duty.\n-- Napoleon
Nemo me impune lacessit.\n[No one provokes me with impunity]\n-- Motto of the Crown of Scotland
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.\n-- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
Never trust an automatic pistol or a D.A.'s deal.\n-- John Dillinger
"Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon."
Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.\n-- F. J. Raymond
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple act of justice.\n-- John Altgeld
No matter whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme court follows th' iliction returns.\n-- Mr. Dooley
No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only had good intentions.  He had money as well.\n-- Margaret Thatcher
