1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.
(1)	A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane. (2)	An inclined plane is a slope up. (3)	A slow pup is a lazy dog. QED: A sheet of paper is a lazy dog.\n-- Willard Espy, "An Almanac of Words at Play"
(1) Alexander the Great was a great general. (2) Great generals are forewarned. (3) Forewarned is forearmed. (4) Four is an even number. (5) Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have. (6) The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.\nTherefore, all horses are black.
(1) Never draw what you can copy. (2) Never copy what you can trace. (3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
(1) X=Y				; Given (2) X^2=XY			; Multiply both sides by X (3) X^2-Y^2=XY-Y^2		; Subtract Y^2 from both sides (4) (X+Y)(X-Y)=Y(X-Y)		; Factor (5) X+Y=Y			; Cancel out (X-Y) term (6) 2Y=Y			; Substitute X for Y, by equation 1 (7) 2=1				; Divide both sides by Y\n-- "Omni", proof that 2 equals 1
1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's the law!
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
13. ...  r-q1
"355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!"
A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.\n-- Fred Allen
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.\n-- Klipstein
A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.
"A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension."\n-- Mandelbrot, "The Fractal Geometry of Nature"
"A horrible little boy came up to me and said, `You know in your book The Martian Chronicles?'  I said, `Yes?'  He said, `You know where you talk about Deimos rising in the East?'  I said, `Yes?'  He said `No.'\n-- So I hit him." -- attributed to Ray Bradbury
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.\n-- P. Erdos
A method of solution is perfect if we can forsee from the start, and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim.\n-- Leibnitz
A pain in the ass of major dimensions.\n-- C.A. Desoer, on the solution of non-linear circuits
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.\n-- George Wald
A scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.\n-- Max Planck
A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard.\n-- Prof. Steiner
A social scientist, studying the culture and traditions of a small North African tribe, found a woman still practicing the ancient art of matchmaking. Locally, she was known as the Moor, the marrier.
A statistician, who refused to fly after reading of the alarmingly high probability that there will be a bomb on any given plane, realized that the probability of there being two bombs on any given flight is very low. Now, whenever he flies, he carries a bomb with him.
A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
According to convention there is a sweet and a bitter, a hot and a cold, and according to convention, there is an order.  In truth, there are atoms and a void.\n-- Democritus, 400 B.C.
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben.  Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken.  Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen.  Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets.  Relaxen und vatch das blinkenlights!!!
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
After years of research, scientists recently reported that there is, indeed, arroz in Spanish Harlem.
Against his wishes, a math teacher's classroom was remodeled.  Ever since, he's been talking about the good old dais.  His students planted a small orchard in his honor; the trees all have square roots.
Air is water with holes in it.
Air pollution is really making us pay through the nose.
Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone.
Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.\n-- Philippe Schnoebelen
All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing without thinking.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.\n-- Young
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
All laws are simulations of reality.\n-- John C. Lilly
All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities.\n-- Dawkins
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.\n-- Ernest Rutherford
All seems condemned in the long run to approximate a state akin to Gaussian noise.\n-- James Martin
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
All the evidence concerning the universe has not yet been collected, so there's still hope.
All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it.\n-- Richard P. Feynman
Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away.
Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
Always think of something new; this helps you forget your last rotten idea.\n-- Seth Frankel
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it.\n-- James Michener, "Space"
An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.\n-- David Letterman
An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
An economist is a man who would marry Farrah Fawcett-Majors for her money.
An egghead is one who stands firmly on both feet, in mid-air, on both sides of an issue.\n-- Homer Ferguson
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable, and three parts which are still under development.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.\n-- Arthur C. Clarke
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.  At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house.\n-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time as the strawberries, knows nothing about grapes.\n-- Philippus Paracelsus
"Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator."\n-- Claude Shouse "Einstein's mother must have been one heck of a physicist." -- Joseph C. Wang
Anything cut to length will be too short.
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.\n-- Mickey Mouse
Artificial intelligence has the same relation to intelligence as artificial flowers have to flowers.\n-- David Parnas
"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.  This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."\n-- Matt Cartmill
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.\n-- Albert Einstein
As you will see, I told them, in no uncertain terms, to see Figure one.\n-- Dave "First Strike" Pare
Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if one went to Harvard).\n-- Edgar R. Fiedler
At any given moment, an arrow must be either where it is or where it is not.  But obviously it cannot be where it is not.  And if it is where it is, that is equivalent to saying that it is at rest.\n-- Zeno's paradox of the moving (still?) arrow
Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers.\n-- Tom Lehrer
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
Between infinite and short there is a big difference.\n-- G.H. Gonnet
Biology grows on you.
Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.
But it does move!\n-- Galileo Galilei
But you who live on dreams, you are better pleased with the sophistical reasoning and frauds of talkers about great and uncertain matters than those who speak of certain and natural matters, not of such lofty nature.\n-- Leonardo Da Vinci, "The Codex on the Flight of Birds"
Celestial navigation is based on the premise that the Earth is the center of the universe.  The premise is wrong, but the navigation works.  An incorrect model can be a useful tool.\n-- Kelvin Throop III
Chemist who falls in acid is absorbed in work.
Chemist who falls in acid will be tripping for weeks.
Chemistry is applied theology.\n-- Augustus Stanley Owsley III
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
"Consider a spherical bear, in simple harmonic motion..."\n-- Professor in the UCB physics department
"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't.  That's logic!"\n-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
"Deep" is a word like "theory" or "semantic" -- it implies all sorts of marvelous things.  It's one thing to be able to say "I've got a theory", quite another to say "I've got a semantic theory", but, ah, those who can claim "I've got a deep semantic theory", they are truly blessed.\n-- Randy Davis
Did you hear that there's a group of South American Indians that worship the number zero? Is nothing sacred?
Did you hear that two rabbits escaped from the zoo and so far they have only recaptured 116 of them?
Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term, convertible only through the use of weird and unnatural conversion factors.  Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
Dinosaurs aren't extinct.  They've just learned to hide in the trees.
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together ...\n-- Carl Zwanzig
E = MC ** 2 +- 3db
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.\n-- John Kenneth Galbraith
Economists can certainly disappoint you.  One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter.  Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.\n-- Robert Orben
Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.\n-- Edgar R. Fiedler
Elegance and truth are inversely related.\n-- Becker's Razor
Elliptic paraboloids for sale.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Entropy requires no maintenance.\n-- Markoff Chaney
Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking.\n-- Jerome Lettvin
Eureka!\n-- Archimedes
Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.\n-- Don Vonada
Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis. It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
Every paper published in a respectable journal should have a preface by the author stating why he is publishing the article, and what value he sees in it.  I have no hope that this practice will ever be adopted.\n-- Morris Kline
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.\n-- Albert Einstein
Everything that can be invented has been invented.\n-- Charles Duell, Director of U.S. Patent Office, 1899
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Experiments must be reproducible; they should all fail in the same way.
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math LOOK exciting.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Federal grants are offered for... research into the recreation potential of interplanetary space travel for the culturally disadvantaged.
Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.\n-- Robert Firth "One, two, five." -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.\n-- H. L. Mencken
For God's sake, stop researching for a while and begin to think!
For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two.
FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL:		#44\nZebras are colored with dark stripes on a light background.
Friction is a drag.
Fundamentally, there may be no basis for anything.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
(German philosopher) Georg Wilhelm Hegel, on his deathbed, complained, "Only one man ever understood me."  He fell silent for a while and then added, "And he didn't understand me."
God doesn't play dice.\n-- Albert Einstein
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.\n-- Kronecker
God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.\n-- William Bragg
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Good morning.  This is the telephone company.  Due to repairs, we're giving you advance notice that your service will be cut off indefinitely at ten o'clock.  That's two minutes from now.
Gosh that takes me back... or is it forward?  That's the trouble with time travel, you never can tell."\n-- Doctor Who, "Androids of Tara"
Got Mole problems?  Call Avogadro at 6.02 x 10^23.
Gravity brings me down.
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY (#7):  April 2, 1751 Issac Newton becomes discouraged when he falls up a flight of stairs.
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.\n-- Albert Einstein They laughed at Einstein.  They laughed at the Wright Brothers.  But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. -- Carl Sagan
He keeps differentiating, flying off on a tangent.
He:	Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science. She:	What?!?  Science got enough trouble with their OWN brains.\n-- Walt Kelly
Heard that the next Space Shuttle is supposed to carry several Guernsey cows? It's gonna be the herd shot 'round the world.
Heavier than air flying machines are impossible.\n-- Lord Kelvin, President, Royal Society, c. 1895
Heisenberg may have been here.
Heisenberg may have slept here...
Help fight continental drift.
Houston, Tranquillity Base here.  The Eagle has landed.\n-- Neil Armstrong
How can you do 'New Math' problems with an 'Old Math' mind?\n-- Charles Schulz
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for somewhere else.\n-- R. Buckminster Fuller
Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!\n-- Paul McCracken
I cannot believe that God plays dice with the cosmos.\n-- Albert Einstein, on the randomness of quantum mechanics
I have a theory that it's impossible to prove anything, but I can't prove it.
I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.\n-- Plato
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.\n-- Poul Anderson
I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth.\n-- Neil Armstrong
I tell them to turn to the study of mathematics, for it is only there that they might escape the lusts of the flesh.\n-- Thomas Mann, "The Magic Mountain"
I THINK MAN INVENTED THE CAR by instinct.\n-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."\n-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
I THINK THEY SHOULD CONTINUE the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling.\n-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
I use technology in order to hate it more properly.\n-- Nam June Paik
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.\n-- Roy Santoro
If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast is a camel's behind.\n-- Edgar R. Fiedler
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.\n-- John Kenneth Galbraith
If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach a conclusion.\n-- William Baumol
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.\n-- Albert Einstein
If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps.
If I set here and stare at nothing long enough, people might think I'm an engineer working on something.\n-- S.R. McElroy
If in any problem you find yourself doing an immense amount of work, the answer can be obtained by simple inspection.
If it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a Fact, proof is necessary.\n-- Samuel Clemens
If it smells it's chemistry, if it crawls it's biology, if it doesn't work it's physics.
