If it wasn't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples.
If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number.
If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world.  One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.\n-- Vannevar Bush
If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it.\n-- Stanley Garn
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.\n-- Albert Einstein
If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.\n-- Muhammad Ali
"If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely."
If you analyse anything, you destroy it.\n-- Arthur Miller
If you are smart enough to know that you're not smart enough to be an Engineer, then you're in Business.
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
If you haven't enjoyed the material in the last few lectures then a career in chartered accountancy beckons.\n-- Advice from the lecturer in the middle of the Stochastic Systems course.
If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine, you won't get any ice.  If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get ice, but no cup.
If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.\n-- Wilson Mizner
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.\n-- Albert Einstein
In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.
In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
IN MY OPINION anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out becoming pure energy.\n-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
In Nature there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences.\n-- R.G. Ingersoll
In order to dial out, it is necessary to broaden one's dimension.
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."\n-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
In the beginning there was nothing.  And the Lord said "Let There Be Light!" And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.  In practice, there is.
In these matters the only certainty is that there is nothing certain.\n-- Pliny the Elder
Information is the inverse of entropy.
Interchangeable parts won't.
Invest in physics -- own a piece of Dirac!
"Irrationality is the square root of all evil"\n-- Douglas Hofstadter
Is knowledge knowable?  If not, how do we know that?
Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?\n-- Kelvin Throop III
Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It is contrary to reasoning to say that there is a vacuum or space in which there is absolutely nothing.\n-- Descartes
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.\n-- Woody Allen
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
It is not every question that deserves an answer.\n-- Publilius Syrus
It is not for me to attempt to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence.\n-- The Earl of Birkenhead
It is not that polar co-ordinates are complicated, it is simply that cartesian co-ordinates are simpler than they have a right to be.\n-- Kleppner & Kolenhow, "An Introduction to Mechanics"
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry.\n-- H.L. Mencken
It is true that if your paperboy throws your paper into the bushes for five straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity.  But it takes Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you.
It seems intuitively obvious to me, which means that it might be wrong.\n-- Chris Torek
It seems that more and more mathematicians are using a new, high level language named "research student".
"It's easier said than done." ... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that `it's easier done than said' than it is done", which really proves that "it's easier said than done".
It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution.
It's later than you think, the joint Russian-American space mission has already begun.
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.\n-- Phil White
It's not hard to admit errors that are [only] cosmetically wrong.\n-- J.K. Galbraith
Just because they are called 'forbidden' transitions does not mean that they are forbidden.  They are less allowed than allowed transitions, if you see what I mean.\n-- From a Part 2 Quantum Mechanics lecture.
Kleeneness is next to Godelness.
Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer.  Now I are won.
Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk.
Life is a biochemical reaction to the stimulus of the surrounding environment in a stable ecosphere, while a bowl of cherries is a round container filled with little red fruits on sticks.
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
Logic is a pretty flower that smells bad.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Logic is the chastity belt of the mind!
Love makes the world go 'round, with a little help from intrinsic angular momentum.
Ma Bell is a mean mother!
Machines have less problems.  I'd like to be a machine.\n-- Andy Warhol
Make it myself?  But I'm a physical organic chemist!
Make it right before you make it faster.
Man will never fly.  Space travel is merely a dream.  All aspirin is alike.
MATH AND ALCOHOL DON'T MIX!\nPlease, don't drink and derive.\nMathematicians\nAgainst\nDrunk\nDeriving
Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.\n-- R. Drabek
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen:  whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different.\n-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Mathematicians often resort to something called Hilbert space, which is described as being n-dimensional.  Like modern sex, any number can play.\n-- Dr. Thor Wald, "Beep/The Quincunx of Time", by James Blish
Mathematicians practice absolute freedom.\n-- Henry Adams
Mathematics deals exclusively with the relations of concepts to each other without consideration of their relation to experience.\n-- Albert Einstein
Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what one is talking about nor whether what is said is true.\n-- Russell
Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Measure twice, cut once.
Measure with a micrometer.  Mark with chalk.  Cut with an axe.
Mediocrity finds safety in standardization.\n-- Frederick Crane
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.\n-- Winston Churchill
More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads.  One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.\n-- Woody Allen, "Side Effects"
Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem.\n-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but always, always, he was right.\n[That's an interesting angle.  I wonder if there are any parallels?]
Mystics always hope that science will some day overtake them.\n-- Booth Tarkington
Natural laws have no pity.
Nature abhors a hero.  For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy.  For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed?\n-- Solomon Short
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.\n-- Fran Lebowitz
Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.\n-- Francis Bacon
Neil Armstrong tripped.
Neutrinos are into physicists.
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do.\n-- R. A. Heinlein
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
Nonsense.  Space is blue and birds fly through it.\n-- Heisenberg
Nothing is faster than the speed of light ... To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
Nothing is rich but the inexhaustible wealth of nature. She shows us only surfaces, but she is a million fathoms deep.\n-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nuclear powered vacuuum cleaners will probably be a reality within 10 years.\n-- Alex Lewyt (President of the Lewyt Corporation, manufacturers of vacuum cleaners), quoted in The New York Times, June 10, 1955.
Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
"Obviously, a major malfunction has occurred."\n-- Steve Nesbitt, voice of Mission Control, January 28, 1986, as the shuttle Challenger exploded within view of the grandstands.
Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon.  After a while you'd run out of air to push against.
Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts -- for support rather than illumination.
On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague|"This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong."\n-- Wolfgang Pauli
One Bell System - it sometimes works.
One Bell System - it used to work before they installed the Dimension!
One Bell System - it works.
One can search the brain with a microscope and not find the mind, and can search the stars with a telescope and not find God.\n-- J. Gustav White
One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid.\n-- J.D. Watson, "The Double Helix"
One has to look out for engineers -- they begin with sewing machines and end up with the atomic bomb.\n-- Marcel Pagnol
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.  "Supernatural" is a null word.\n-- Robert Heinlein
One man's constant is another man's variable.\n-- A.J. Perlis
One of the chief duties of the mathematician in acting as an advisor... is to discourage... from expecting too much from mathematics.\n-- N. Wiener
One small step for man, one giant stumble for mankind.
One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that sometimes you must work under adverse conditions... like a state of sheer terror.\n-- W.K. Hartmann
Only God can make random selections.
Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.
Optimization hinders evolution.
Order and simplification are the first steps toward mastery of a subject\n-- the actual enemy is the unknown. -- Thomas Mann
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.  Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.\n-- Mike Adams
"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it."\n-- Alex Schure
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
"Picture the sun as the origin of two intersecting 6-dimensional hyperplanes from which we can deduce a certain transformational sequence which gives us the terminal velocity of a rubber duck ..."
Pie are not square.  Pie are round.  Cornbread are square.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
Power corrupts.  And atomic power corrupts atomically.
Progress means replacing a theory that is wrong with one more subtly wrong.
Prototype designs always work.\n-- Don Vonada
"Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together."
Quantum Mechanics is a lovely introduction to Hilbert Spaces!\n-- Overheard at last year's Archimedeans' Garden Party
Quantum Mechanics is God's version of "Trust me."
Quark!  Quark!  Beware the quantum duck!
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Reality must take precedence over public relations, for Mother Nature cannot be fooled.\n-- R.P. Feynman
Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job.  These economic downturns are very difficult to predict, but sophisticated econometric modeling houses like Data Resources and Chase Econometrics have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3 recessions.
Remember Darwin; building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
Research is the best place to be: you work your buns off, and if it works you're a hero; if it doesn't, well -- nobody else has done it yet either, so you're still a valiant nerd.
Research is to see what everybody else has seen, and think what nobody else has thought.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.\n-- Wernher von Braun
Round Numbers are always false.\n-- Samuel Johnson
Saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.\n-- George Carlin
Science and religion are in full accord but science and faith are in complete discord.
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Science may someday discover what faith has always known.
Scientists are people who build the Brooklyn Bridge and then buy it.\n-- William Buckley
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
Solutions are obvious if one only has the optical power to observe them over the horizon.\n-- K.A. Arsdall
Space is big.  You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.  I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.\n-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Space is to place as eternity is to time.\n-- Joseph Joubert
Space tells matter how to move and matter tells space how to curve.\n-- Wheeler
Statistics are no substitute for judgement.\n-- Henry Clay
Statistics means never having to say you're certain.
Stellar rays prove fibbing never pays.  Embezzlement is another matter.
Stuckness shouldn't be avoided.  It's the psychic predecessor of all real understanding.  An egoless acceptance of stuckness is a key to an understanding of all Quality, in mechanical work as in other endeavors.\n-- R. Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
Supervisor: Do you think you understand the basic ideas of Quantum Mechanics? Supervisee: Ah! Well, what do we mean by "to understand" in the context of\nQuantum Mechanics? Supervisor: You mean "No", don't you? Supervisee: Yes.\n-- Overheard at a supervision.
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
Take an astronaut to launch.
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.\n-- Aldous Huxley
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
That's one small step for a man; one giant leap for mankind.\n-- Neil Armstrong
The  White Rabbit put on his spectacles.\n"Where shall  I  begin, please your Majesty ?" he asked.\n"Begin at the beginning,", the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop."\n-- Lewis Carroll
The aim of science is to seek the simplest explanations of complex facts.  Seek simplicity and distrust it.\n-- Whitehead.
The amount of time between slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is precisely 1 bananosecond.
The amount of weight an evangelist carries with the almighty is measured in billigrahams.
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
The bigger the theory the better.
The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time.\n-- Merrick Furst
The bomb will never go off.  I speak as an expert in explosives.\n-- Admiral William Leahy, U.S. Atomic Bomb Project
The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture.\n-- Elbert Hubbard
The clash of ideas is the sound of freedom.
The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.\n-- John Muir
The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
The devil finds work for idle glands.
The difference between reality and unreality is that reality has so little to recommend it.\n-- Allan Sherman
The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship.\n-- Robert Heinlein
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters.\n-- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
The energy produced by the breaking down of the atom is a very poor kind of thing.  Anyone who expects a source of power from the transformation of these atoms is talking moonshine.\n-- Ernest Rutherford, after he had split the atom for the first time
