The end of labor is to gain leisure.
The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.\n-- Lyman Bryson
The faster I go, the behinder I get.\n-- Lewis Carroll
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
The first myth of management is that it exists.  The second myth of management is that success equals skill.\n-- Robert Heller
The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."\n-- H.L. Mencken
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.\n-- Paul Erlich
The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.\n-- Alan Coult
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
The greatest productive force is human selfishness.\n-- Robert Heinlein
The hardest part of climbing the ladder of success is getting through the crowd at the bottom.
The hieroglyphics are all unreadable except for a notation on the back, which reads "Genuine authentic Egyptian papyrus.  Guaranteed to be at least 5000 years old."
The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.\n-- Harry V. Wade
The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest.
The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.\n-- Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King
The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.\n-- Adam Walinsky
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong -- until the next person quits or is fired.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
The major difference between bonds and bond traders is that the bonds will eventually mature.
The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.\n-- Saul Alinsky
The meek don't want it.
The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.\n-- J.P. Getty
The meek shall inherit the Earth.  (But they're gonna have to fight for it.)
The meek shall inherit the earth; but by that time there won't be anything left worth inheriting.
The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.\n-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.  (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...)
The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.\n-- J. Brecheux
The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.\n-- T.H. White
The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop and take a rest.
The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men.  Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, add ten per cent more.\n-- Bill Veeck
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.\n-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
The opossum is a very sophisticated animal.  It doesn't even get up until 5 or 6 PM.
The optimum committee has no members.\n-- Norman Augustine
The opulence of the front office door varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
The other line moves faster.
The person who can smile when something goes wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
The person who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
The person who's taking you to lunch has no intention of paying.
The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.\n-- Anthony Burgess
The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.\n-- James Baldwin
The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty.  Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.\n-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.\n-- Mike Smith
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
The reward for working hard is more hard work.
The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.\n-- Emerson
The rich get rich, and the poor get poorer. The haves get more, the have-nots die.
The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.\n-- Josh Billings
The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement.  It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.\n-- John Kenneth Galbraith, "Annals of an Abiding Liberal"
The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that, you've got it made.\n-- Jean Giraudoux
The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children.  Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.\n-- George Bernard Shaw
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.\n-- Noelie Alito
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.\n-- Nicolaides
The star of riches is shining upon you.
The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.\n-- Confucius
The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.\n-- C.N. Parkinson
The trouble with a lot of self-made men is that they worship their creator.
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.\n-- Franklin P. Jones
The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more important to do.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The trouble with money is it costs too much!
The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.\n-- Herbert V. Prochnow
The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.\n-- Lily Tomlin
The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."\n-- Dorothy Parker
The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.\n-- B. Franklin
The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
The wages of sin are unreported.
The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start with a large fortune.
Their idea of an offer you can't refuse is an offer... and you'd better not refuse.
Them as has, gets.
Then there was the ScoutMaster who got a fantastic deal on this case of Tates brand compasses for his troup; only $1.25 each!  Only problem was, when they got them out in the woods, the compasses were all stuck pointing to the "W" on the dial. Moral:\nHe who has a Tates is lost!
There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us.  I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice.  The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.\n-- Bat Masterson
There are worse things in life than death.  Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?\n-- Woody Allen
There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.\n-- Thomas W. Lamont, October 29, 1929 (Black Tuesday)
There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour.  As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.\n-- Brooks Atkinson, "Once Around the Sun"
There is hardly a thing in the world that some man can not make a little worse and sell a little cheaper.
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.\n-- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)
There is one way to find out if a man is honest -- ask him.  If he says "Yes" you know he is crooked.\n-- Groucho Marx
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
There must be more to life than having everything.\n-- Maurice Sendak
There's no such thing as a free lunch.\n-- Milton Friendman
There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.\n-- W. Bossert
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.\n-- Darrell Royal
This is a good time to punt work.
This week only, all our fiber-fill jackets are marked down!
Those who claim the dead never return to life haven't ever been around here at quitting time.
Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.\n-- N. Alexander.
Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.\n-- Theophrastus
Time to take stock.  Go home with some office supplies.
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.\n-- Elbert Hubbard
To be or not to be, that is the bottom line.
To do nothing is to be nothing.
To do two things at once is to do neither.\n-- Publilius Syrus
To get back on your feet, miss two car payments.
To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three persons, two of them absent.
To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.\n-- Jack Paar
To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
To stay youthful, stay useful.
To the landlord belongs the doorknobs.
To thine own self be true.  (If not that, at least make some money.)
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity.  They seem more afraid of life than death.\n-- James F. Byrnes
Too much is not enough.
Too much of everything is just enough.\n-- Bob Wier
Truth is free, but information costs.
Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.\n-- Howard Kandel
Veni, Vidi, VISA|I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL|Firings will continue until morale improves.
Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.
We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.\n-- Decimus Junius Juvenalis
We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.\n-- John Fisher
"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought to be ashamed of himself."\n-- Cameron Hawley
We were so poor that we thought new clothes meant someone had died.
We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog.  If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.\n-- Crazy Jimmy
We're living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.\n-- D.W. Robertson.
Weekend, where are you?
What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance?
What I mean (and everybody else means) by the word QUALITY cannot be broken down into subjects and predicates.  This is not because Quality is so mysterious but because Quality is so simple, immediate, and direct.\n-- R. Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon.
Whatever is not nailed down is mine.  Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.\n-- Collis P. Huntingdon, railroad tycoon
When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him--that's where the money is.\n-- Robespierre
When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.\n-- Kim Hubbard
When all else fails, read the instructions.
When I works, I works hard. When I sits, I sits easy. And when I thinks, I goes to sleep.
When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.\n-- James H. Boren
When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.
When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.\n-- Daniel B. Luten
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
When the lodge meeting broke up, Meyer confided to a friend. "Abe, I'm in a terrible pickle!  I'm strapped for cash and I haven't the slightest idea where I'm going to get it from!"\n"I'm glad to hear that," answered Abe.  "I was afraid you might have some idea that you could borrow from me!"
When you are working hard, get up and retch every so often.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.\n-- The Wall Street Journal
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.\n-- Henry J. Kaiser
Where there's a will, there's a relative.
Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.\n-- Thomas Tusser
Whoever dies with the most toys wins.
Why be a man when you can be a success?\n-- Bertolt Brecht
Will you loan me $20.00 and only give me ten of it? That way, you will owe me ten, and I'll owe you ten, and we'll be even!
Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.\n-- Frank Tyger
Work expands to fill the time available.\n-- Cyril Northcote Parkinson, "The Economist", 1955
Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.\n-- Bertrand Russell
Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.\n-- Schulz
Work smarter, not harder, and be careful of your speling.
Work without a vision is slavery, Vision without work is a pipe dream, But vision with work is the hope of the world.
Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I'm a dog.  Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.\n-- Snoopy
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.\n-- Joseph E. Levine
You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.\n-- Norman Douglas
You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.\n-- Superchicken
You know, the difference between this company and the Titanic is that the Titanic had paying customers.
You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes.  I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.\n-- J. Wellington Wells
